A Friendly Conversation about Confidence with Jesse Brisendine – Ep.006

A Friendly Conversation About Confidence - Ep.006A Friendly Conversation About Confidence - Ep.006

Welcome to Daily Confidence for Entrepreneurs Show Episode 006.

Join my friend, Jesse Brisendine and me on “A Friendly Conversation about Confidence”.

Listen to the podcast here:

KEY POINTS:

  • What is your story and experience of Confidence?
  • How did you create a blueprint of Confidence in your mind?
  • What is the process of getting to know yourself?
 

SHOW HIGHLIGHTS:

6:25 – What I’m deciding now is now going to be the new blueprint for who I am.

11:57 – Your relationship with your mom and dad basically determines your relationship with men and women.

20:03 – You don’t have to be confident all the time on anything and everything.

34:43 – Invite myself to do the uncomfortable.

41:52 – Connecting with people and having those conversations helps you boost your confidence.

46:09 – What’s important is to not obsess with the things that you can’t control but obsess over with what you can.

48:45 – Do this personal SWOT analysis.

TRANSCRIPTS: 

Mostafa  0:01  

And we’re Live! Good morning. Good afternoon. Good evening, wherever you are in the world. Welcome to Daily Confidence for Entrepreneurs. My name is Mostafa Hosseini, and I’m your host for the show.   

Today I have an amazing guest, Jesse, please pronounce your last name before I butcher it in front of the whole audience.

Jesse  0:20  

Okay, dude, it’s totally butcherable. It’s Brisendine, rolls right off the tip of the tongue.

Mostafa  0:26  

Brisendine. See when you say it’s easy. So let me tell you a little bit of an overview of what our show and what we do. And we’re gonna dive right into it. 

At the Daily Conference for Entrepreneurs, we work on helping entrepreneurs and business owners to boost their confidence and self-esteem. And to increase and boost their confidence in different areas of business:

  • Whether that’s sales, 
  • Whether that’s dealing with people managing your business, 
  • Marketing, 
  • Hiring and firing, 
  • It could be confidence in different areas.   

So during the show, we share tips and actionable advice that you can use on a daily basis. And you can hopefully, listen to the show or the podcast or watch us, you walk away with some actionable items that you can start trying and testing and apply to your business and to yourself almost immediately. So that’s the purpose of the show.   

If you haven’t downloaded it already, I’ve got a list called Confidence 52! That is where you will see a list of 52 things and action items that you could do to boost your confidence almost immediately and instantly.  

So if you visit dailyconfidence.show/resources, you can download that checklist and start working on it right away. And there’s so much in there in terms of the items that you could try so that if you don’t like one of them, you just move right to the next one and you give that a try. Anyway, let me introduce my guest and we’re gonna dive right into it.  

Jesse Brisendine, creator of Zero Limits Coaching is a world renowned expert who works with individuals and organizations to move beyond their limitations and unlock their greatness.   

Business leaders, Hollywood celebrities, entrepreneurs, medical professionals and educators have utilized Jesse’s services to break through limiting beliefs, uncover their unique purpose, building thriving businesses and living fulfilling lives.  

Jessie is a big fan of buffets, professional wrestling, finding the silver lining in any situation, and I just discovered that he also likes to spend time in the mountains. Welcome, Jesse.

Jesse  2:41  

Mostafa, thanks for having me, man. I feel like it’s been so long since we’ve seen each other.

Mostafa Hosseini  2:45  

Yeah, it’s been a few hours, man, we can’t believe that. So Jesse, what’s your story?

Jesse  2:55  

Yeah, Mostafa. First of all, thanks for having me, man. We’ve spent some time together every day for the last three or four days now. And my story, you know, it’s kind of an interesting one. When I was actually talking with somebody about this the other day, I would classify myself first of all, as an introvert. And I have grown up and spent most of my life always being that shy kid. And when I say shy, self confident, self conscious, meaning shy and self conscious at another level.   

It was something where I’ll give you a couple of examples. I was so insecure and self conscious going into high school. My freshman year I actually broke out in hives covering my whole body. I had stressed myself out so much about it. From head to toe just covered in hives. I had to go to the hospital and drink that drink where they light you up and then they take the exams because I was getting such horrible stomach pains from the anxiety I was heaping on myself. 

In college my freshman year, it’s interesting how these all things happened freshman year. I remember I was sitting in my Psych 1 class and in the section for it, and a girl tapped me on the shoulder and asked me a question about the homework. I turned around and I skipped pink red and went straight to purple, full perspiring down my face. I was so uncomfortable with her communicating with me and I had such a non-existent set of people skills that stumbling out the answer to her question was like, I don’t know going to second base or something with a girl for me. It was that bad. And she obviously never sat next to me again after that. 

So one thing I’ve learned just on my journey of really working through those pieces and getting to where I am now and you know, some people will see me when I do presentations, I’m teaching and speaking. I seem very extroverted, but I still very much have that introverted piece but what I’ve learned for myself is that I can be very confident in parts of myself both professionally and personally. 

I think as it pertains to confidence, one of the most important pieces of confidence is just getting confident in who you are. So whether it’s introverted or extroverted, embrace that. I used to think it was bad to be introverted, you know that it was bad to have a shyness to it, and that it was always going to help me hold me back in this wrong and now I’ve learned that it can actually be a superpower too.

Mostafa  5:30  

Absolutely. I mean, you’ve just got to embrace and be happy with who you are. I love that statement. 

Hi, Robert. Welcome, Robert. Good to have you with us. 

Gang, for those of you who joined us later, we’re just having a friendly conversation with Jesse about confidence. If you have any questions about confidence and self-esteem, and what we’re talking about pop into the chat, we’re going to be giving away some gifts. Both me and Jesse. I just volunteered Jesse straight into giving away some gifts. So we’ll do that together. 

A Friendly Conversation about Confidence with Jesse Brisendine - Ep.006
So whether it's introverted or extroverted, embrace that.

One of the most important pieces of confidence is just getting confident in who you are.

Mostafa 6:08

So what’s your story with confidence? So where did you go from there? I mean, you were very shy. You mean, girl, touched you on the shoulder and all sudden, you had a hard time responding to that. What’s the rest of the story? Where did you go from there?

Jesse  6:25  

Yeah, mine. You know, origins of confidence, lack of confidence, security, insecurity, all those if we, if we really are playing with the psychology of it, we can always trace them back and pinpoint them to certain moments in our life that played to find that moments that we essentially drew the line in the sand and made the decision that what was no longer will be. And what I’m deciding now is now going to be the new blueprint for who I am, how I see myself and what I believe about myself. 

My psychology is very much dictated by how I felt about myself, I grew up feeling pretty worthless, I grew up feeling like I was causing my parents a tremendous amount of pain, from financial hardships, they were incurring. It was so bad that when I was about eight, nine years old, I actually tried to take my life because I felt like that was the only way I could spare my parents the financial burden of raising me. 

Mostafa  7:23  

How old again?

Jesse  7:24  

About eight, nine years old.

Mostafa  7:26  

Oh my god. 

Jesse 7:27  

My parents, I know, they both loved me, you know, they were just and this is no blame on them, they were doing the best they could at that time, just like all of us are. Right? It’s easy with the gift of hindsight to be able to say, well, you should have done this, you should have done that. I don’t know about any of you who are watching or listening. But you’ve arrived at an age where your parents were when you were a kid and you realized how little that you have actually figured out. And that’s with Google, where we can get our answers instantaneously. 

So imagine how it must have been for them. Also going through their own stuff, their own childhood things, and these kinds of discussions weren’t going on. So if you haven’t forgiven your parents yet, maybe reach out and give them a little bit of love for that. 

So I had that going on, Mostafa, that was a huge thing. And so that dictated and then what also happened with me on the physical front is I oscillated from being a very chunky kid, to then going to another extreme of growing but being a really skinny kid. 

So not only did I have such a heavy emotional burden I put on myself, but I had this massive, physical hang up in my own body, you know who I was, and identifying myself, especially when we’re young. And I think we started to identify ourselves so much on physical appearance, physicality. I really struggled with that. 

And those two things really dictated much of my early life around feeling so shy, feeling so anxious, insecure and feeling such a lack of confidence.

Mostafa Hosseini  8:52  

So tell us about how you made peace with your parents. What was that process like for you?

Jesse 8:59  

You know, it wasn’t so much that I appreciated the question. And it wasn’t so much of making peace with my parents as it was making peace with myself.

Mostafa  9:05  

Okay. How did you make peace with yourself?

Jesse  9:09  

Yeah, so I believe that all human beings at any given moment are doing the best they can with what they have in any given set of circumstances. Considering all the hurts, trials, tribulations, everything they’ve been through. It’s through the almost omnipotence of our judgment, that we think that they should have done better. Right? They should have had everything at their disposal. 

The average human being if we play in this space, thinks anywhere from 48,000 thoughts a day, of which 75 to 80% of those thoughts are making what we classify as negative. Most of those negative dialogues are dialogues about herself. 

  • I’m not lovable. 
  • What are they thinking of me? 
  • Are they going to think I’m stupid? 
  • Or they’re going to think I’m a failure? 
  • They’re going to think that I’m not enough. 
  • Gosh, I should have done that. 
  • I’m never gonna succeed, etc, etc, etc. 
  • I’m a horrible husband, a horrible wife, blah, blah, blah. 

I don’t need to regurgitate it. We all know those dialogues because we all run through it.  

What we’re also doing in that framework and then so we can ask ourselves right now, if we acknowledge, we think 40,000 thoughts a day, depending on what day or time you’re watching this. How many of your thoughts do you remember thus far? A fraction of them. And so at any given time, we’re remembering, we’re actually consciously aware of a fraction of those thoughts that are running through our mind. 

But what happens when we cast judgment on someone else, especially with our parents or the people we often love and care about the most. We judge them not as who they are as a human being, but as the expectation, the pedestal we’ve placed them on. So we expect our parents to always have the answers. Always have the solutions. Have everything figured out. They’re beyond flaw, right? It’s an unspoken bond between parent and child. It’s an assumption that we all make, and it’s a very human piece of us. 

And when we do that, we’re not accounting for them also, being a human being wrestling with that 48,000 thoughts, 75 to 80%, of which some are negative. Because what we’re really saying when someone does something that doesn’t mean an expectation of ours, we’re saying that you should have had full control over all the thoughts you were thinking. You should have been able to filter them all out to thinking thoughts that are only conducive to supporting me in the absolute best way possible. 

Mostafa  11:10  

Yeah. 

Jesse  11:11  

Mostafa I don’t know about you, man. But I have still yet to master that for myself. So when that comes to really forgiving parents, and being able to make amends with that, was first about making amends with myself. It was about acknowledging, being able to acknowledge the humaneness of my parents, and to realize that they were just two human beings doing the best they could with what they had.   

Does that make them right or wrong? I don’t know. If we want to play in that space, we could, but what I’d rather see is just two humans doing the best they could. Yeah, and, and that was a powerful place, because it gave me a place of acceptance. And it allowed me to let go of the expectations that I felt were never met.

Mostafa  11:57  

Absolutely. Personally, for me, I think there’s two parts to that. I went through what’s called the Demartini Method. Dr. John Demartini has a method where you start analyzing people and events around you, and you start with your mom and dad. Because your relationship with your mom and dad basically determines your relationship with men and women. The quality of your relationship with men or with your dad determines the quality of your relationship with all men out there. And if you don’t believe me, just sit down and take a look at how your relationship is with your dad. And you’ll see how your relationship with men out there. And same with women. 

Now with the Demartini Method, I’m so glad that I did. My friend Alexander Ford, introduced me to this process. 

So you sit down and you write down, what do you hate about your dad? Okay. So there’s a series of questions. There’s about eight of them. Then the next question is, find instances in your life, when you showed the exact same characteristics to other people, and people saw you. And when you sit down and you think about it, you’re like, holy crap, I did the exact same thing, and I still do it. And then you just go through and analyze, you’re basically mom and dad first on what’s good?what’s bad about them, you neutralize your thinking and your approach to your mom and dad. And then everything becomes neutral. 

And I think that process kind of sets you free. It’s very liberating. I absolutely loved that process if you haven’t done it.   

So the Demartini Method for any viewers and listeners, is an absolute must for everybody. And that helped me make peace with my mom and dad. That as a result, it helped me improve my relationship with men and women. And so, I love what you just shared about the personal aspect. 

A Friendly Conversation about Confidence with Jesse Brisendine - Ep.006
Confidence is really an internal peace versus an external search.

Mostafa  14:00  

And I think the other thing for me as a parent, and I agree with you, 100% on how parents are doing their best. Although some are not really trying their best. I mean, they’re just being who they are, which is fine.   

As a father, sometimes I think, what should I do now with my life and my family so that 20 years later, my kids don’t go, what the hell were you thinking, dad? You know, I think as a parent, I should ask myself that question. I think I owe my family that at least a question, say, what should I be doing right now? So that 20 years later, I don’t regret and I don’t have to face my kids saying, what were you doing in the past?

Jesse  14:45  

Yeah. And maybe instead of asking it of yourself, ask it of your kids. Right. Because a lot of times I think we put that responsibility on ourselves that we’re supposed to have the answers, know the answers, whatever that is, and so we keep looking at ourselves for the answers oftentimes, especially when it pertains to other people.   

So we’ll usually try to find the answer within, problem solve it ourselves versus asking the question of the people whose answers we’re really looking for, you know. Asking the question of your children, what would they love for you to be doing right now? Their answers may really surprise you, and then creates a wonderful platform for you to build a bond and relationship.   

I think that really pertains to confidence too, because so much of our absence of confidence is based on assumptions that we have unfounded evidence around. So it’s the assumption that I’m this, I don’t have anything to contribute, they won’t listen to me, they want to talk to me, what are people going to think all those types of things.   

And because we don’t go and just ask directly to the source, we think it’s wrong, bad, weird, strange, whatever it is. We think that if we pick up the phone, there’s going to be a fire breathing dragon at the other end, even though we forget another human being that wakes up and they get hangry, just like the rest of us. We won’t do that, we’ll tell ourselves a story about it, that reinforces the lack of confidence in you and me. And so it strips away the Humanity. The other, it takes away the Relatability.   

Confidence can be built from going directly to the sources, right? Or your confidence as a father can be strengthened by asking yourselves those questions and trying to figure it out, which is trial by error. Or you could just go directly to the source, your children, and just say, Hey, guys, like, what do you need from me? What would be great for you?

Mostafa  16:28  

That’s a good one.  I think another thing for parents or for anybody actually, is being vulnerable, and asking questions and getting support. Right? Hence, maybe the idea of working maybe with a life coach, maybe with a mindset coach and or your friends, and sitting down and working on, What are you working on right now? What are you working on creating right now, and get feedback, get suggestions and apply them. 

Mostafa  17:02  

Because as long as we’re in our own picture, we cannot see our own picture because we’re in it, but someone from outside could give us feedback, could give us suggestions. This could be in the form of a mentor, a friend, a colleague, a coach, a consultant of some sort. But I think with my experience, people that are open to receiving help and feedback and support do much better compared to the people that are just like, Oh, I got it. I don’t need any help. 

So Jesse, was there a story or an event in your life that helped you go from a shy kid to who you are now?

Jesse  17:46  

You know, I don’t know if it was necessarily one thing or the other and in some ways, I’m still very much that shy kid. If you were to stick me in a room of people who I don’t know where the whole Stranger Danger thing goes off. I am totally at times that person who will awkwardly hangout next to the cocktail table, either over consuming the snacks or hurriedly drinking the drinks to get the confidence buzz, if you will.   

I think what has really been transformative to me, Mostafa, is I find that where I do exude confidence is in areas that I believe in and I’m passionate about. And I think that’s a really important qualification for people. Being confident doesn’t necessarily mean you have to be confident in all things, all situations or people or anything like that. 

Mostafa 18:42

Yeah.

Jesse  18:43  

It’s about gaining clarity about who you are, what you want, what you believe in, what matters to you most, what values you share, those types of things. Confidence is really an internal peace versus an external search. Right.   

Oftentimes, we attribute confidence in the building of it by outside sources. So my ability to go and have a conversation with a stranger, my ability to go in here and present to this or that. Is there a skill set involved with that? Absolutely.   

But more so the real work begins with really gaining clarity about who you are, what matters most to you, what you want, and in that you start to find you’re going to be able to develop confidence from that.   

I feel comfortable and confident having this discussion with you because it’s on a topic that I’m passionate about, I believe in I felt trust in you. I’ve built a friendship with you. So it’s a very comfortable space. 

If you were to change the discussion and talk about, you know, something that I may not be versed in, or I may not put as much of my belief system towards, you know, I don’t know what that would be. Let’s just say should the NBA launch the second half of the season or something like that? You know, you’ll see my body language change because I just don’t know. I’m not I’m not confident there. Because It’s not something that’s really meaningful or purposeful to me.  

So I think one of the things that’s really powerful for people is to give themselves permission. That you don’t have to be confident all the time on anything and everything. And confidence is not necessarily to and especially in our culture, I think a lot of times we moonlight with confidence as who can yell the loudest and be the most, this, sometimes confidence is just being able to sit in and listen to other people. 

Mostafa Hosseini  20:26  

And watch. Absolutely.

Jesse  20:28  

I think that’s real confidence. And that knowing that you are so congruent with your belief system, your value system. That you don’t need to point and blame and try to tear others down or to get into a right versus wrong dynamic. But instead, you can really sit back and listen from a genuine place of curiosity. Because it’s from curiosity, you can start to really uncover what someone believes, why they believe what they believe, what their values are. And if you’re trying to do business with them. That is a powerful, powerful leverage point. Because now you’re no longer communicating with the product or service, you’re now communicating with the core. The essence of who that human being is. And if you can appeal to that really very quickly catapults you past your business to business, to human to human, soul to soul. 

We all know that knowing, liking, and trust trumps just about everything. And we’ve all seen the studies, 85% of people are more willing to do business with someone they like and trust you enough, they have an inferior product at a superior price. You want to get to that place faster. Get so confident in who you are in terms of what you believe, what you value that you don’t need to point and blame or anything like that, or yell loudly to get yourself heard. But you can really sit, listen, analyze and understand the other people.

Being confident doesn't necessarily mean you have to be confident in all things. It's about gaining clarity about who you are, what you want, what you believe in, and what matters to you most.

Mostafa  21:46  

Absolutely. You talked about getting to know yourself and who you are. What would that process look like for you? Or what was that like for you?

Jesse  21:57  

Yeah. You know, there’s a couple things. And the process being very basic, but it’s extremely involving, and the basics of it is reading and writing more. It was going and reading more books, writing down things, thoughts, asking myself questions. 

Most of us do not ask ourselves nearly enough questions. We just make statements, we make generalizations. We exist in a world where we make such broad generalizations that because of that, it becomes dogma to who we are. And that just does a massive disservice to us. We start to exist in that space. We’ll say everything. Never. I’m never this, I’ll never that. That’s a horrible handicap that you’re heaping upon yourself versus really digging in and asking yourself questions. 

We accept emotions as being facts, versus embracing them as messengers, you know. Imagine what your world would be like if every time you felt fear, instead of saying to yourself, Gosh, this is fearful. I should do this for me, I don’t want to sit with this. We instead ask the question, okay, What are you trying to teach me? What is the message here? What am I trying to learn? What’s deeper? 

So the process really looks like that. It’s number one, it’s learning to ask questions of yourself. It’s learning to ask questions of your emotions. Number two, it’s allowing yourself to be curious. Be curious about books to read, videos to watch lives like this thing to engage in. 

In writing things down, writing down thoughts, you have ideas, you have given yourself permission to just honor whatever’s on your heart and mind as opposed to regurgitating the recycled concoction that we put together what we believe society expects of us and what our peers expect of us. And in so doing, you know, you create an awareness and when you create awareness, awareness always precedes transformation. 

We really want to transform how we perceive ourselves and how we feel about ourselves in terms of confidence, they must first get their self thought awareness.

Mostafa 24:02  

Absolutely. I love that. Can I share with you what I did? 

Jesse 24:07

Please. Absolutely. 

Mostafa 24:09

I did a couple of things. There is this process where you pick up a pen and paper or you open a Word document or word processing thing or software. And you start with I am and then you follow that sentence. I am Mostafa, this is who I am, and then you start describing who you are. And you just keep going. You just explain who you are and what you do. And that process alone gave me so much clarity into defining who I am and explaining who I am and then it just made me more clear to myself. 

I agree with you 100% on reading and learning more about yourself. 

Another thing that I did is I did a personal SWOT analysis. It’s like you find out: 

  • What are my Strengths? 
  • What are my Weaknesses? 
  • What are the Opportunities out there for me? 
  • And what are the Threats out there for me? 

And that alone when I just did the first two parts of what are my strengths, and what are my weaknesses, especially the weakness part, amazing awareness. 

I admit that here are my weaknesses, and some people on the other side of the coin, some people don’t give themselves enough credit for their strength. And they’re all constantly beating themselves up. And I think that that also helps on top of everything that you just talked about.

Jesse 25:45  

Yeah. And we give ourselves an unfair standard of excellence. I think one of the detriments of social media is that because we have a window into everyone else’s life, and specifically, everyone else has curated life, the window they want us to see through. 

One of the challenges with that is, especially in an entrepreneurial space, we come in, and let’s say we want to sell toothbrushes. And there is somebody Mostafa who just happens to be the top toothbrush salesperson in the whole world. And because Mostafa is on social media, we go and look at him, we’re looking for models, we’ve all learned about modeling and how important that is. 

We follow Mostafa on social media, and every day Mostafa takes pictures of himself and in front of his private jet that he calls Colgate and his Ferrari that he calls Crest, and we see Mostafa with the private jet, private Colgate and driving Crest. And we think, Well, I’m not anywhere near that, like how the hell am I supposed to get into this, maybe I shouldn’t get started. I’m all these types of things. That’s not a fair comparison. Because what we’re not seeing is all the work that Mostafa put in before it. 

And you know, I love the story of Michael Jordan failing the high school basketball team because, or not being picked up for the varsity team. Because what attributes to is all the work that Michael Jordan had to put into becoming Michael Jordan. 

We, when we’re making these assessments of others, and we’re comparing ourselves to them, we handicap ourselves and think that they’re so much further ahead of us. That we are able to catch up where actually we’re not seeing that they too had to learn to crawl before they could walk, before they could run. And that if they were able to go through those steps that at whatever point we are in our journey, we can too. 

And again, if we’re not asking the questions, the questions we should be asking is if I have to talk with Mostafa I mean, not to ask him, you know, with it, it’s not how did you buy the Ferrari? It’s Hey, Mostafa, when you first started your business, and you’re three months into it, what was the main thing, the difference maker that made a difference? Or if you could go back to where you were three months in your business? And if you could have known one thing that you know now, what would have quantum leap to your success? 

Imagine if we were to ask those kinds of questions to those folks.

Mostafa  28:06  

Let me ask you that right now, what was it for you if you were three months in your business?

Jesse  28:14  

Dude, I didn’t think I was quite sharing that you’re gonna turn around and asked me the question. 

Honestly, now that I’m thinking about it, it would be to be vulnerable. It would be more willing to be myself and less about others. I was so incredibly hard on myself. I was so focused on trying to be who I thought I needed to be. The role I thought I needed to fill, that was never willing to have conversations, ask for help, reach out, to be able to show up on a thing like this and just be more like myself. 

I always thought I had to put on my hat that people thought they needed to see. And if I would have done that early on, then it would have been taken away, God knows how much stress, anxiety, suffering and everything. And it made the whole process so much more fun.

Mostafa 29:08  

Absolutely. That would be one of the things on my list as well. I mean vulnerability. So here’s the thing, confident people are vulnerable. That people that make a lot of noise are not confident, that people that act like they know all, are not confident. Confident people go ask for help. Confident people ask for support. And they put it out there, Hey guys, I need help with this. Who here can help me? People out there have such good hearts that they’re like, You know what? I can actually help you with this or I know someone that can help you with this, or here’s what I’ve done. I had the same problem. 

Like one of the things that we see in our courses in our coaching programs, and I’m sure you’re experiencing this as well. When we put people together, one of the massive AHA moments that people have in their classes, like when we put them in a breakout session, and they start talking about their problems and they come out, they’re like, Oh my god, I thought I was the only crazy person with this problem. I feel like I’m not alone anymore. 

So I think I agree with you 100%. I think vulnerability would be the number one item on the list, to go out there and ask for help. It’s tough. It’s a really tough game to try to figure everything out on your own. And I’ve done that myself. 

Jesse 30:34

Me too, man it is tough. And it is so lonely. It is so heavy. And to even keep that existence going, you have to keep a story going that nobody understands. Nobody wants to help. Nobody gets it. Nobody cares. So it’s so unbelievably self-isolating too.

Mostafa   30:53  

Absolutely. I’m just gonna read a couple of comments from people. It says, I think I apologize if I’m butchering your name. Ek or Ik says the quality of questions we ask ourselves determines the quality of answers we get, and the quality of life we end up having. He also says awareness precedes transformation. So true, Jesse. 

Yeah, awareness is big, very big. I mean, it’s, as soon as we understand. Here’s my problem, You know, and yesterday, Jesse, we talked about stepping out of our daily hamster wheel to just relax, and then taking a look at the whole picture from like a 10,000, where you are, 10, or 20 feet view of just taking the look and seeing what’s going on and to just to get awareness. What’s your experience on that?

Jesse 31:47  

Yeah. One of the things I find so incredible about being in the mountains is that when you’re standing at the base of a mountain, looking up, you’re thinking, Man, that thing is so big, and it’s so massive, it’s so far away. And then once you climb the mountain, you get to the top and you look down, you think, Wow, everything down there seems so small, almost insignificant. 

I think that one of the incredible things about the mountains is it puts things in perspective, in the sense that so many of our problems we make are so big. But when we give ourselves the perspective, the 10,000 foot view, if you will, we see how in the grander scheme of things, they’re far more insignificant than we may attribute to them. 

And that’s not to say that they’re real problems that we’re all dealing with, and they’re massively significant all the time. What it is to say is, is to say how much significance we attribute to those problems. 

Really, in the grander scheme of things, it might be more insignificant than we really need to be attributed to it, or they really are trying to say, now this is, and this is talking about most of the problems that we create our mind around the stories we tell ourselves. There’s real problems that we all deal with health, financial, whatever that is. 

But part of the reason we’re not able to get past those things to evolve, to grow, to fix and problem solve, troubleshoot whatever our vernacular is, is because we’re so consumed with the problem, we’re not going up on top of the mountain seeing the perspective. 

The other incredible thing about Mountain View is that once we’re up there, we start to see all the other paths and all the other trails we could have taken to get there. How we might even see a couple shortcuts that we want to see. But because we were quite so consumed at the bottom looking up thinking, my god that’s so big, how am I going to get there? We didn’t see all these other opportunities that are right in front of us.

Mostafa  33:38  

Absolutely, because we’re too close. 

Jesse 33:41

Yeah.

A Friendly Conversation about Confidence with Jesse Brisendine - Ep.006
Awareness always precedes transformation.

Mostafa 33:42

Absolutely. Jesse, what do you do these days? Or what do you do on a regular basis? To boost your confidence? Do you have a process or a procedure that you do to like, boost your confidence?

Jesse  33:58  

Yeah, one of the things I do everyday is go to the gym at an insanely early hour. So I get up at 3 am to get to the gym before 4 am 

Mostafa 34:07

Wow. 

Jesse 34:08

And the reason I do that is not because I need to exercise. I’ve done it long enough that I’ll exercise no matter what. It’s because it helps me develop psychologically. 

By the time I finish working out, I am confident that I have gone and done one of the hardest things of the day. That I already know the majority of the population around the world isn’t going to do. And then of the present population that is going to exercise I know that I’ve already gotten it done before most of them have woken up. And that to me, gives me this really cool confidence boost. 

The other thing is to invite myself to do the uncomfortable. In looking at that and leaning into the things where I feel uncomfortable. Because I recognize I’ve often shied away from getting to a place of just asking for help making a practice of that. 

I do try to make it a point now at least once a week, a few times a week, asking for help from someone, or asking for people to collaborate on something, or asking people’s ideas or thoughts or opinions and things like that. 

Just getting in the habit of asking questions. One of the big self-awareness I’ve had is oftentimes I will ask questions of others not, because I’m genuinely curious of the answer. I’ll ask questions, because I’m looking for them to say something. So then I can say something to prove to myself how smart or right I am. 

That’s not really going to help my growth and it’s probably not going to strengthen my bond or relationship with them. 

So getting to a point of getting comfortable and empowered to feel just to ask questions and a genuine curiosity. And to help magnify something that that person is passionate about is meaningful to them. 

And instead of seeking to elevate myself with that, as celebrating their curiosity, celebrating their passion, then that is a massive, massive confidence booster. Because it takes me out of that competition piece I think I have to need to be in. 

So it’s an interesting dynamic, because on one hand, going to the gym early is like this competition thing. But it’s good to be competitive. It’s good to have healthy competition. So it’s where we put that. On the other hand, it’s very much about elevating my own sense of consciousness as it relates to other people.

Mostafa   36:26  

Absolutely. What are you excited about creating these days?

Jesse  36:36  

You know, relationships right now are really big for me. You and I  are just recent friends, met about six, seven weeks ago. Now, it’s just been really incredible to have that and that came from reaching out asking for help. A mutual friend connected us and now we’ve been able to collaborate several times, several days.

Mostafa 

Yeah. 

Jesse 36:59

Since I and it’s been really fun Mostafa, like I’ve never been as big of a relationship creator as I have been the last several months and I’m loving it. 

I’m loving the synergies and the collaborations that are coming up. Because I’ve always had that I’ve had for so long that chip on my shoulder doing everything on my own, figuring all those things out. 

It’s been a blast to be able to finally shelve that chip, fully digested, get rid of it, expel it. And now being open to doing things like this. It’s a blast. 

Mostafa   37:36

Absolutely. Welcome Amy. Welcome everyone else that is watching. It is great to see you guys. Jesse and I are just having a friendly conversation about confidence.

If you have any questions about what we talked about, if you have any comments, feel free to leave it as a comment on the live feed, wherever you’re watching. 

We’re giving away a couple of gifts here at the end of this show. I don’t know what Jesse is going to give away. But I know that I’m going to give away a ticket to my workshop. So that’s what’s happening and transpiring. Now, Jesse, you’ve got a podcast that you’ve been pretty busy with. Can you tell us about that, please?

Jesse  38:14  

Yeah, I have. One of the ways we are connected is over this podcast piece I launched at the beginning or the end of March. And it was what I envisioned, as a way to support people through what I was going on with COVID. And its sense of them to really be a heartfelt conversation, heart-centered people. 

I have done 110 conversations now. Recorded interviews with people in the last two and a half months. It’s been really incredible. So we have video-audio. 

And because of that it inspired the launch of the second production called Building a Bridge, where we’re tackling some of the issues that are going on in the US right now. In terms of racial relations in our humanity. We all interact with one another with the purpose of evolving the conversations beyond race relations, to really elevating the human consciousness. 

And those two pieces there, they’ve been a blast, man! They’ve been so incredible to do because of meeting just really awesome people like yourself. Because of the conversations I’ve been having because the people are willing to go deeper. You know, we’re where people are venturing and being vulnerable and sharing beyond the surface, nuts and bolts of function of who they are, you know. 

Sometimes I think it’s kind of the business mixer we go to and we say Who are you? What do you do? We list the functions of the jobs we do, versus actually gaining the depth of our soul and what we are and who we believe in? 

And I think all of these pieces, Building A Bridge and A Handful of Hope, have common themes that are coming out of them. As people no matter where they are: color, creed, health, wealth, religious background, affiliation, job, etc. 

You see this common thread of humanity that’s so evident of people 

  • wanting to be loved, 
  • wanting to be heard,
  • wanting to be understood, 
  • wanting to matter, 
  • wanting to contribute significantly. 

Everybody is going around by figuring out their space so that they can do that. To be able to have a meaningful emotional experience as a result of it.

Mostafa 40:18

That is amazing. I’m really excited about the podcast that you’re working on and the meaningful conversations that you’re having. Love it and from what I remember, you said you started with the idea of doing one a day or one a week, and now you’re doing five a day or something.

Jesse 40:36

I started off doing 8-10 for the whole series. Now it’s 110 recorded ones, so far in the last 2 months. It’s a  good lesson of how we can sometimes horribly undershift our potential, what our capacity is. But when you find that, you know this is something with confidence too. One of the real measures of confidence is where we can learn to listen to our heart. Allow it to guide us. It seems so cliche sometimes, you heard it said over and over again. 

We like to put metrics over a lot of things because metrics give us some point we can understand. But I’ll say that one of the most rewarding experiences for me in life, business and everything, has been the times I’ve leaned in my heart and allowed it to guide me.  

Mostafa 41:29

Yeah.

Jesse 41:30

This podcast piece is an example of going from 8-10 conversations, thought that would be the whole piece, but now 110 plus, still going strong. We’re posting content everyday now. It’s a totally heart-centered, heartfelt place. Because it’s really incredible work that takes us in. That’s a massive confidence contributor builder.

Mostafa 41:52

Absolutely. I think connecting with people and having those conversations helps you boost your confidence. As social animals that we are, if we don’t connect with people, I think that hurts our confidence. Once you connect with someone and hear their stories you get help, you give help, you know the interaction starts, that is a huge confidence builder.  In your case and in my case, your message out there. That’s a huge confidence builder. I love it. 

I have the same story with this show. For years and years, I wanted to talk about confidence. And as an immigrant, I had to work on my confidence for 20 years and I still do. I mean from language, learning the culture, learning how to do business, learning how to find your place in the society. These are all tough things to do. When we talked about dealing with men and women, right? My mom and dad never taught me how to talk to girls and boys. They just taught me how to be polite, right? But then tell me about the social dynamics, if you will, and so I felt that was a really hard piece to talk about. Finally, like two months ago, I pulled the trigger, I’m going to talk about this. 

And thank God it’s been doing pretty good so far. Now, another question,that popped in my mind is this days with what’s going on with the world, in US and with this whole Covid19 stuff, I’m thinking a lot of people maybe lost their confidence, maybe they’re not feeling very confident, maybe they’re not optimistic about the future. What’s your tip for someone who is in that boat?

Jesse 43:52

That’s a great question. I’m going to tiptoe on it and there’s so many sensitive issues. If I step on somebody’s toes as I tiptoe, please forgive me,

This is just one person’s opinion, one person’s observation, does not have to be your gospel. 

I think one of the fundamental challenges that many of us have evolved into, US, North America, 1st World countries,  is that our lives in many ways have become incredibly comfortable. Humans at our basic core are animals, someone avoiding pain to gain pleasure. That’s the fundamental thing that drives all our behavior, we try to avoid pain to gain pleasure. Try to avoid pain in the short term and in the long term it causes more pain. This example is a relationship that staying in, you’re currently in or have stayed in the past is not the relationship that has served you. You stayed in it for a prolonged period of time. Or you’re still staying in because of fear that will come in when you break up. 

We live in a world now where pleasure releases comfort, it’s literally a couple of swipes away. You know with these things now, we can have food, fornication, all sorts of manners of comfort and pleasure really show on our doorstep with a few swipes. What happens with that I think on a deeper psychological level, is because it’s so easy to have the comforts, the instant pleasure, that we come into a dynamic of wanting to be taken care of more, wanting to have more people do it. 

We sit back, especially with the government. What are they going to do for us? How are they going to solve this problem? Who’s going to take care of me? They need to figure this out so I can get back to normal, whatever that is. There’s some degree of truth to that, for sure when we have to interact with certain laws and policies to help society function and co-exist. 

At the end of the day, you are the steward, custodian, gatekeeper, whatever you might call it, of your happiness. You’re in charge of the quality of your life. No one is going to force you to stress eat. No one is going to force you to be unhappy. No one is going to force you to think disparaging thoughts about the world. That is something that you’re doing and have control of. So there may be a lot of things, at this time, that you were out of control. Trust me, I sat that, I still wrestle with that, a lot of times. 

What’s important is to not obsess with the things that you can’t control but obsess over with what you can. What you can always control is the quality of your thoughts, quality of your emotions, quality of your relationships and the quality of your reactions to what’s going on and what’s being said and the quality of actions that you take. 

The importance of the things that you’re passionate about and you believe it. If you want to bypass some of the craziness and for lack of polite terms,with all the stupor that’s going on with the world. Whatever you believe, whatever side that you’re on, whether it’s the extreme of Covid conspiracies, or the extreme that Covid is going to be the plague that’s going to wipe up humanity. Recognized in there that there’s always a middle ground and that’s where you put your feet. If you imagine  just existing in a world where you put your feet are, and really look in the present where your feet are, and again asking those questions, what’s important? What do I want to focus on? What do I want to create? Who do I want to show up as today? What kind of leader do I want to be? What kind of business owner? What kind of family member? What kind of husband, wife, brother, sister, cousin, lover, whatever that is. What kind of friend do I want to be today? Those are things that are grabbing on to tangibles that you actually have control of. 

We will feel a lack of confidence that we obsess over that we cannot control. But I can’t control what you’re going to think about me after this. I just can’t. If I obsess over that. It’s going to be a really rough day for me. What I can control is to do my best to show up as I am and be who I am. And let the chips fall as they may. 

In a very simple way, what we focus on will never be experience. So be intentional on where you put your focus. If you don’t like what you’re seeing in the world, start by changing what you see in the world that you can control right in front of you. 

Mostafa 48:45

And if I may add to that, some people might be wondering, What do I do? What’s the next thing? I would say grab a piece of paper, and put the question on top, What should be my focus right now?  Write down what the answer to that question is like what Jesse says, what do I have control over? Answer the question there and you will know what you have control over. Right? And if I may add to that, do this personal SWOT analysis. 

Write down: 

  • What are your strengths? 
  • What are your weaknesses? and with respect to what’s going on in the world, write down, 
  • What are the opportunities for me right now? 
  • What are the threats out there for me?

Once you get awareness of, internally and externally, then you can focus your thoughts on, okay, here’s what I want. And that will boost your confidence like nothing else. 

Jesse 49:43

Yeah. I can just piggyback off that too,  the reason why you and I know each other right now, is because I did that. Because when I woke in March in the middle of the night in an oh sit moment, beyond the things I can’t control, I grabbed a pen and piece of paper and started writing down those exact questions. Who do I want to be? How do I want to show up? What kind of leader do I want to be? And it’s those answers that led to the whole past several months of my life transpiring that has allowed me to connect to you and be in your show right now. 

Mostafa 50:15

Absolutely. 

What is your awareness of your strengths and weaknesses, once you gain awareness of who you are? Then you can connect with people for maybe in the same realm as you are. Find people that can get you where you want to be. 

A lot easier. Jesse, I know we’re kind of getting to the top of the hour, before we wrap up, please tell us about your business, what you do and how you help people?

Jesse 50:53

Zero Limits Coaching really it’s about, what I’m passionate about is people wanting to find that amazing intersection where they can have a really thriving business and really live a fulfilling life. 

I think success without fulfillment is failure, I think so often, chasing that success piece thinking it’s going to bring us happiness, fulfillment, peace and we end up hearing the story of the multimillionaire sitting on the edge of the bridge. I’m not interested in playing in that space. The space I’m interested in playing is the people who just want to thrive thru life. The reason why is because when I found it with me and these folks, in building their thriving business, and living that fulfilling life. 

Peace for them is really digging deep. I was really passionate about it. May not be exactly their business or part of business and what their purposes and this comes in world changing pieces, like people attacking how we can change education? How can we use your influence? 

Folks I work with in entertainment, it’s incredible to see when they look at how to leverage their celebrity and put it behind things they’re deeply passionate about, causes, organizations that are meaningful to them. The kind of headway, we’re talking, ripples to tidal waves very quickly. 

Mostafa 52:19

Absolutely. We’re going to give away a gift. What would your gift be?

Jesse 52:28

Man, that’s a great question. I would ask anybody who wants a gift, What would be most helpful to them? Whatever that is helpful to them, within reason, I’d be happy to honor that. Whether that’s a coaching call with me, whether that interview on their podcast shows something like that. I’m pretty open to that. Whatever service to support you, I’m game to that.

Mostafa  52:56

So I’m going to announce the winner on my end. Robert Abbey won a ticket to my Quarter Planning Workshop, happening on June 26-27, that’s next weekend. This is a $4,000 workshop. That’s what people get when they stay engaged. Jesse, can I just put something out there on your behalf? 

Jesse 53:24

Please.

Mostafa 53:25

Would you be open to giving away a 1 hour coaching session?

Jesse 53:27

Yeah, absolutely.

Mostafa 53:29

All right. So we’re going through our Show Notes on different platforms. We’re going to pick a winner, and we’ll announce the winner later today or this weekend. We’re going to announce the winners from last week’s launch party. We have 12 winners from last week. We’re going to post it on our pages and tag this winner and reach out to them. 

Jesse, my last question always is, if you had a Facebook ad, that everyone on the planet can see, what would that ad say for you? What would you want to display so that everyone can see?

Jesse 54:08

Love yourself. Fall in love with the person you see in the mirror. 

Mostafa 54:13

Love it. Absolutely love it. Jesse, this has been a pleasure. I really appreciate it, the conversation, your time. I feel like I could go on for a couple of hours and just keep going on this topic and on different topics and go on. How was it for you?

Jesse 54:35

Mostafa, it’s great, man. I really appreciate you having me on it. Thanks to everybody who watched, listened and commented and contributed to the conversation. By doing that you made it more meaningful. Mostafa I’m really grateful that you trusted that voice 2 months ago and just jumped in the conference and created a platform for the people. Thanks for having me a part of it.

Mostafa 55:00

Thank you. I appreciate you and your message. Thanks for having us and hopefully we’ll have you again on the show and continue our conversation. As I feel that this could go on forever. 

Gang, for those of you who are listening and watching, one way that I help my clients and people to boost their confidence is by gaining clarity and focus on their business and know exactly what they should do for their business and know exactly what they should do to grow and scale their business. 

I have a couple of workshops coming up. One is the Quarterly Planning Workshop. That is when we spend a couple of days building a One Page Business Plan and simplify everything and know and understand, here’s exactly what you need to do in the Quarter, next 12 months, next 3-5 years, to grow and scale your business. Because if we don’t know what we want, it would be pretty hard to get something if we don’t know what it is. Now that’s one thing that we do. 

Another one is our workshop Simple Marketing Formula Bootcamp and that is happening on the week of July 6 and 11. That is where I help my students to create and implement their One Page Marketing Plan, in 7 days or less. Both of the classes are live. It is interactive. We do a lot of breakout sessions, mastermind sessions, and you will walk out of both with clarity and focus knowing what your business is all about. 

The Simple Marketing Formula class is all about One Page Marketing Plan, and the Quarterly Planning Workshop is about your One Page Business Plan. If you want to check it out, I posted the links in the show notes and in the comments. I will make  sure that this is included in the show notes. 

If you have any questions or comments about what we just talked about, you can reach out to Jesse, I will include his contact information. And we will announce the winner of his One Hour Coaching Session later this week or next week. 

Again if you write a review and do a rating on our show on Apple podcast, your name gets entered into winning more prizes and gifts from me and my guests. I just gave away a ticket to a $2,000 workshop to Robert Abbey. Robert please reach out to me and we will have that sorted for you. 

Please like and subscribe to the show. If you know of a friend that could benefit from this conversation, please tag them in the comments, and by tagging them, your name gets entered into the list to win prizes. 

You can also follow our show on multiple platforms on the web: Facebook, Twitter, Youtube, and multiple podcast platforms. That’s it for me. 

Jesse, thanks again for joining me. I really appreciate your time and I look forward to continuing this conversation later. 

Jesse 58:03

Mostafa, thanks for having me, man.

Mostafa 58:04

Thank you. We will see you all later. Bye now. 

One of the real measures of confidence is where we can learn to listen to our heart. Allow it to guide us.

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