Welcome to Daily Confidence for Entrepreneurs Show Episode 008
Join my friend Connie Whitman and me and discover “Why Effective Communication Skills Are the Foundation for Success!”
Listen to the podcast here:
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- How does effective communication boost our confidence?
- What are 5 communication styles that you will learn after taking the free assessment?
- How do we shift so we can communicate more effectively?
- What are the barriers we need to break through to effectively communicate with potential clients?
- Why are communication skills so important for business owners?
9:00 – Communication builds confidence. Because if we can have these harmonious, wonderful conversations, everything seems to go smoothly and easily. Confidence goes up.
26:45 – The biggest piece, I think, for people after they take the assessment, is when you understand the people that are wired differently than you.
31:51 – You learn the tool, and you immediately apply it. You should start shifting without even thinking about what the other person’s style is. It’s just become such a natural part of you.
40:52 – If you only have people that think and see things through the same filter or similar filter to you, you’re never going to see that gray area, because we put those blinders on.
52:38 – Fixing those communication barriers and weaknesses and help you become a better communicator when it comes to running your business.
Good morning. Good afternoon. Good evening. Welcome to Daily Confidence for Entrepreneurs. My name is Mostafa Hosseini. I am your host for the show. At Daily Confidence we share tips and actionable advice for entrepreneurs so they could use it on a daily basis to boost their confidence and their self-esteem.
Are we connected? Seems like we are. Anyway, I think I just had a little technical glitch here. So today is Canada Day. Happy Canada Day! Canada turns 153 years old today, the Constitution Act was signed 153 years ago today in 1867. And so Canada became a country about 153 years ago.
Today I’ve got an amazing guest. My guest is Connie Whitman, and I’m gonna invite Connie to the room and we’re going to talk about why effective communication skills are the foundation for success. Welcome, Connie.
Hey, Mostafa. Thanks for having me. I’m really honored to be here.
Thank you. It’s great to have you. Connie, is from Eastern United States, correct?
Correct. Jersey, baby.
There you go. I’m gonna do a proper introduction for Connie and then we’re gonna dive right into it and talk about why effective communication skills are the foundation for success.
So known for her high energy, passionate and enthusiastic approach to teaching and coaching, Connie Whitman helps ambitious business owners, leaders and sales teams build powerhouse organizations to achieve widely outrageous goals using her Signature Seven Step Sales Process.
An international speaker, podcast host and influencer, Connie’s inspired teaching transformational tools and content, ensure that business owners and sales people grow their revenue streams through enhanced internal and external communication skills while developing strong relationship based cultures.
Connie has been the CEO of Whitman Associates, LLC. And her website is whitmanassoc.com, and we’re gonna share that later in the show, for the past two decades. Welcome, Connie.
Thank you, Mostafa.
So, Connie, what is your story?
So my story is that I’m actually very boring. I have been in financial sales for the past 38 years. I know I didn’t look like that when you said that the first time we met.
Yes, thank you, Mostafa. That’s why I love you. So that’s 38 years in one industry. You know, I graduated from college. And then I went and I got my insurance licenses, my series seven licenses, all of that US based for the securities industry. And in the meantime, I was also going for my MBA in the evening. MBA in Finance. So I’m boring. I like numbers. I see numbers. I think in numbers. And that’s why for me, I guess sales was a natural fit, especially financial sales, because meeting with people who don’t understand money, who don’t understand cash flow, don’t understand budgets like that was so scary. So I thought wow, people really need me to teach and coach them. And that’s how I started my selling investments in my 20s and that was 38 years ago.
Beautiful. So for those of you who are joining us Happy Canada Day. My guest is Connie Whitman and we’re talking about improving your confidence and your communication skills and how it applies to your success in business and life.
And so just so you know, we are going to be doing some giveaways and we’re going to be sharing some gifts and for you to get on the list for the draw, you should be commenting on the show in different platforms, asking questions, and or tagging your friends on the show for the people that could benefit from this conversation. And so maybe you could bring them in. So again, if you tag your friends, comment or ask questions.
So, Connie, how did you get into doing what you’re doing today? What’s the story behind that?
So you know, after being in the investment world, you know, through my 20s, and then into my 30s. And, you know, I got married, and I didn’t love the insurance investment world. So banks back then, late early on, sorry, late 80s, early 90s, started to break into offering annuities and mutual funds at your local bank. So I thought, Oh, that’s a nice industry. I think I want to go there. So I entered the banking industry, probably about 30 years ago. And what ended up happening in the late 90s. And I don’t know about Canada, but in the US, banks were like merger mania, every time you turned around, the big banks were gobbling up little banks for merging. So it was insane. And what was happening there was there was literally no job security. So every time there was a merger, the next year there was a merger. It’s like, Do I have a job or not?
So we had two babies at home: a one year old and a four years old. And I remember the bank, and I won’t mention the name of the bank I was working for, and I did not want to work with them. They were anti-customer service, and I’m all about the customer. So I remember coming home and saying to my husband, I can’t work for this company. And he says, What do you want to do? And I’m like, I want to get fired. So we’re married 28 years, Mostafa, 28 and a half years actually. So he gets me clearly, he gets me. And that was 20 years ago, and I never looked back.
So yeah, let me for the listeners and anybody thinking about starting a business, I take what I call calculated risk. So I had been with the bank for 13 years, I was a Senior Vice President. So I had 13 months of a package because of those factors. So I said to my husband, you know, give me six months. If I don’t find a client to pay my portion of the bills, I’ll just go and get another job. And really, that was 20 years ago. So I haven’t looked back. I love it. I built a beautiful life and a beautiful business and took control of my life. And I think that was the most important thing for me.
Absolutely love it. So how does effective communication help boost our confidence as business owners and entrepreneurs?
You know, think about it Mostafa, when you have a conversation with someone, have you ever had the experience where you’re talking to them? And you think, oh, you’re irritating me. I don’t like you. Like I don’t actually want to talk to you. Chances are we all have a certain element of how we’re wired. We’re born with certain communication inclinations. So you meet people that are so opposite of you. You’re like, oh, they’re exhausting to speak with. And then you find the people who are just like you, Mostafa, you and I are similar, the first time we met. It was like rapid fire. I think we covered what we needed to cover 20 minutes, we were off, we were done moving on to the next thing.
So it’s comfortable when I’m with people who talk fast, think fast. So when I’m with people who speak slower, I have to slow my breathing down, I have to think about it. So think about it if you’re an entrepreneur, you’re a business owner, you’re in sales, you have to connect with the person that’s in front of you.
Otherwise, you’re not going to be making sales or you’re not going to be scaling your business. So communication is at the core of everything we do because we deal with humans.
The other cool thing about learning and understanding your communication style. Not only does it help you with business, it helps you in your personal lives with your spouse, with your kids, parents, siblings. And you come to realize that people are people that annoy you, aren’t annoying you because they think I’m going to annoy Connie today or I’m going to annoy Mostafa today. That’s not what’s going on. They just don’t know that they’re annoying you because it’s how they’re wired. So it helps you kind of meet them halfway.
And that’s why communication builds confidence. Because if we can have these harmonious, wonderful conversations, everything seems to go smoothly and easily. Confidence goes up.
Love it. Love it. So I think communication is maybe the second most important or third most important thing on the list. I mean, aside from your goal and your plan to get there, the next thing that you need to have in place is to be able to communicate your needs and wants to other people. To communicate with customers, communicate with team members.
Communication is a core skill and a core foundational skill for a business owner and I totally love where we’re going with this. Absolutely.
And then I love your comments about how we have to adjust to the person that we have to talk to, like, if you’re from New York and you’re used to talking fast, because that’s the pace there. And you talk to someone that says, doesn’t talk as fast, and they like to take their time, it’s going to be difficult to, to convert them to a paying customer, or to convert them to a partner of some sort. So you have to kind of be able to have the EQ, if you will, the emotional intelligence to be able to read this person and effectively communicate with them as essential to do that.
So what are some of the barriers we need to break through to effectively communicate with customers and team members and the rest of them?
Yeah, and it’s interesting, because when we think about humans, right, we have filters. You see the world Mostafa from your experience, right? You came from another country, and you migrated to Canada. You know, I grew up in Jersey, in Newark, you know, during the riots. So it was, it was a tough neighborhood, right. So you build these filters and these biases, in these perspectives, from where you were raised. And so you were raised in another country, right, I’m a Jersey girl who lived in Jersey my whole life, that impacts how I see the world, and how I show up in the world, you know, with my little bit of Jersey accent.
So that’s one piece, male and female, believe it or not, we are wired differently. So we both have the connector from the right lobe to the left lobe of the brain. Women connectors are a little bit thicker. So we can usually shift from creative to critical thinking quicker than men. So that’s why, you know, we tease that women are better multitaskers, right. And men take so long to catch up to us. It’s not because we’re trying to get on each other’s nerves, we are wired anatomically differently.
So you have culture, you have where you were raised, you have male and female.
And then on top of that you have how you learn. So you know, if you ever meet someone, Mostafa, where they hear something, you know, 10 years later, they remember that conversation almost verbatim. They have that type of memory that they hear, they’ve got it, they move on. I’m not that type of learner, I’d like to hear things. And then I like visuals. So that slowing down maybe my pace of learning down doesn’t mean someone is more or less intelligent. It’s just how we take in that data and information and process it. So that’s another layer when we talk about communication.
And then of course, the behavioral style, how we’re wired from birth. And when you get really good at understanding the different behavioral styles that exist, we could talk about the five today. You can look at a baby in a crib, and you can pretty much tell what their style is. So you’re born that way. And you’re gonna die that way. What happens with the intensity, you know, I know as I’m getting older, believe it or not, I’ve slowed down my pace of speech. Just because I’m older, I don’t care as much to get that much information as when I was younger. So your scale might go down a little bit, but you’re wired the way you are wired, you’re born that way, you’re going to die that way, you don’t change, people don’t like change. Now you really don’t.
Got it. For those of you who are joining us later, we’re talking about effective communication, and how that plays into your success. And if you want to enter our draw for the gifts, the giveaways that we’re doing later, I am giving away some workshop tickets. Connie’s got something that she’s giving away. I’m pretty sure it’s pretty exciting.
And for you to enter that draw, you got to be commenting, asking questions or tagging people. So Connie, what are some of those behavioral styles, the five, if you could briefly touch on them and what they are?
Sure I can and just for everybody listening, there’s a whole bunch of behavioral models out there, and they’re good ones, you know, Myers Briggs, DISC is another one. They’ve been around for over 100 years. They’re proven they’re based on Carl Jung’s philosophy. They’re real, they’re good, they exist. The issue with those behavioral models is example Myers Briggs, you’re an E, I and J. So that’s great. You take it, you understand that while you’re in the class or you know, the seminar, you’re learning about it, and then you leave and you think I’m an E, I and J, what does that mean?
And DISC is D-I-S-C, what does that mean? So when my partner and I had his second business, and when we created this Communication Style Assessment, we said we’ve got to do a couple of things. You can’t cheat on the test and answer the way you hope to do. You have to answer how you are. So we scaled the test assessment, I should say test assessment.
The second thing is we made the titles to things that and I’m going to share them now with your listeners and they’re going to be like oh yes, I am that. So an example would be the first one might be a Heartfelt Advocate. It’s very positive imagery. When you think of a Heartfelt Advocate, that’s someone who speaks, they’re calm, they speak slowly, they lead with their heart. It’s all about love and relationships for them. That’s a beautiful thing. We all have our superpowers, we have our blind spots. So for a Heartfelt Advocate, sometimes you get stuck in an emotional state, and it’s hard for you to move on, or pull the trigger with business. So if you’re an entrepreneur, business owner, and you lead with your heart, your customers are going to love you. You might not meet deadlines, so you have to be careful of the pros and the cons with each style. Does that make sense, Mostafa?
It absolutely does make sense. And if I may add to that,
Figure out what your strong suit is. Focus on that, and don’t try to be the best at everything. Like what we tried to do with everything with our programs, we try to stick to the one thing that we’re good at. And we’re not even claiming to be good at everything. Once you actually deliver what you’re best at, people don’t even care that you’re not so good at other things. Right?
Say for example, I am the best at marketing. Right? I may not be the best at sales, but I understand marketing. And in our perfect example, Connie is a sales trainer, she helps people with their sales processes. I help people to build their marketing plan and understand marketing. I don’t claim to be a salesperson, although I do understand sales a little bit, not as much as Connie does. And it’s okay if I don’t completely understand it. Because I have someone like Connie, to refer to saying, You know what, I focus on this, you focus on that. And if we have shared customers, if we do, then it’s fine if I’m not the best at sales. Does that make sense right now?
100%? Because, you know, we did the workshop right? I did the workshop with you, Mostafa. And there were a couple of people on. You and I were talking and you spoke about the Sales Piece and Follow Up briefly. And everybody on the call like oh, yeah, I don’t follow up very well. And I shared a resource that I had that I created, and everybody was so appreciative.
You don’t have to be good at everything. Right. And I was on the call, I had the knowledge to share. You know, we had Heather, who’s magnificent. She shared some legal information. You know, she’s the legal warrior on website stuff. So we all have our talents. And when you pull them together, to me, that’s when the magic happens. Right?
Absolutely. So let’s say that I went through your assessment, your free communication assessment. And I understand that this is my style, or what do I get out of it? What are the results like when I go through the assessment?
Connie Whitman 17:54
What’s the results that you get?
So you take the assessment, it’s very brief again, and you scale your answers, and then you’ll get a little report to your inbox, you know, via email, and it tells you what your highest score is, and it gives you a report.
So again, if you’re a Heartfelt Advocate, it tells you all the cool things and superpowers that a Heartfelt Advocate has. And then it also tells you Hmm, beware, you have some blind spots. Additionally, we have a raw score, usually, the range goes from 50, all the way down to negative 50. So the scale is pretty broad. You might be a negative 50 on a Heartfelt Advocate. So we tell you beware, these are your major blind spots with having no Heartfelt Advocate.
So think about it. Mostafa, if in another one I’ll give you another example, is an Innovative Organizer. You and I are Innovative Organizers. They’re the CEO mentality. Let’s get it done. Let’s get it done quickly.
The other one is a Stimulating Motivator. My highest is a Stimulating Motivator, can you tell? I’m all about the high energy I want everybody’s business to scale and succeed. I’ll help you, you know, wait till my last breath if your game and you’re working with me. So that’s the Stimulating Motivator.
Well, if you’re a business owner, and you and let’s just say, you Mostafa, and if this is not the case, but let’s just say we’re Innovative Organizer, Stimulating Motivator, zero Heartfelt Advocate, people are going to look at us and think, well, they’re abrasive. They’re a little aggressive. And they’re not going to want to do business with you because they’re feeling that they’re steamrolled. So we have to be aware of those blind spots.
So that if I know if I’m speaking to a Heartfelt Advocate, I need to slow down. I need to say hey, how’s your day going? What’s going on with you? Hey, any vacation plans? Talk to me about that. I am sincerely interested because that’s who I am. I’m a people person. But with a Heartfelt Advocate, I need to do a little more of that. Mostafa, if I’m talking to you. I’m like dude, how’s the kids? Everybody’s good. Great! What are we doing today? You and I could jump right to the business and not feel, Oh my god, she was abrupt.
So you have to know who’s in front of you. So you can shift and modify and give them what they need. So they feel like you’re connecting with them. It’s really important.
Absolutely. So we got a question here from Adele, he says, How do you leverage each other’s strength when you don’t have an equal amount of value to offer? How do you make it worth it for others? How would you answer that?
I’m not sure. Okay, now I have to put my glasses on, you’re making me show my age guys. So how do you leverage each other’s strengths when you don’t have an equal amount of value to offer? I’m not fully understanding that. How can you make it worth it for others?
So I can tell you this, if I give you an example. My husband and I literally are polar opposites. The beauty of that though, is sometimes I’m moving at the speed of sound. And I miss things. And then that’s that cost time and money as a business owner, I don’t ever want to waste that. So he’ll say to me, I think you need to do a little research. And then I say to him, I don’t want to do the research. You do the research. And he’s like, okay, because he supports me, right? So he goes, and he does the research for me.
Flip it. He’s very calm, very easygoing. Well, sometimes it’s like, dude, get a little pep in your step. We got to move forward. We gotta get this done. And he’s like, okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. So not that I pull him, but I encourage him to move quickly sometimes. So that’s the yin yang balance that we need in our life. So I hope I’m answering this question.
If you know somebody has a skill or a superpower, leverage that, especially if it’s your blind spot, so my blind spot of researching and slowing down, I don’t know how to do it, it doesn’t enter my radar. So he reels me in and says, whoa, you got to look at this differently. So it will save time and money. Did that just make sense? And I hope I answered that.
And if I may add to that, I think as long as we know our strengths and weaknesses, I am going to focus on my strength and I’m going to let you focus on your strength and I’m going to focus on my strength. Right.
Connie Whitman 22:15
So that we complement each other and we can leverage our strength. I’m not going to focus on my weakness and on your weakness, because it’s not going to get us anywhere. Right?
I’m not good at accounting. For example, I’m not good at accounting. I am not gonna focus on it. I will pay someone, hire someone to just delegate that because I don’t like accounting to begin with. I don’t like to deal with it. Right? So like here’s what they do. Here’s what you’re good at. I’ll talk to an accountant, good bookkeeper. But like, here’s what you’re good at. I’m going to focus on.
I hope that answers your question, Adele. If that doesn’t ask us a follow up question or clarify what you mean by that question. I will dive more into it.
And let me know if I can answer a little more on that to another example. Adele might help. I’m publishing a book, right? So after I finished writing it, I sent it to an editor who was referred to me. It was great. I’m not an editor, right? You should never read your own stuff because you don’t find your mistakes. And then I was like, Oh, do I Amazon? Do I self publish? What should I do?
And Mostafa, we were on a JV challenge together a few months ago, met another woman. She says oh, you have to talk to my friend. She helps with all of the self publishing. But she does it on speed, you get PR from it, blah, blah, blah, it’s through IngramSpark, she’ll get more media on it. I’m like, Oh, my God, this is great. I was at the point where I was gonna have to do research on self publishing, because I didn’t want to spend the money because of COVID, it would have been the biggest mistake, the book would still be in research mode to do that the book wouldn’t have published till the end of the year, July 16. It’s coming out.
So you have to take it. Yeah, you have to take advantage of people’s strengths. And know when as an entrepreneur to spend the money and COVID money was tight. I had no income coming in. I still had to keep moving forward with that. I knew in my heart, it was the right thing to do for my business.
Absolutely. Can I share with you on that? Yes, of course. A few days ago, a few days ago, literally a few days ago, I decided that I’m done being a smart ass.
Yeah. Because here’s a realization that I came to being is trying to be smart ass trying to figure things out is costing me seven figures a year.
So and then I started going around with like, Who does this? Who does that? Who’s good at this? Who is good at that? And then I reached out to people that are like, this is what they’re good at? Because I don’t mean to be bragging but as someone that I consider myself a smart guy and I could figure out a lot of stuff.
Right. That’s time that I spend, I used to spend, I hope I could get rid of it hopefully, completely One day, the time that I spent to figure things out, while someone else else actually has this figured out is actually costing me Well, it could be focusing on sales, I could be focusing on marketing. So I think that’s another example of one focusing on our strength.
And you hired a VA, right recently. And the first day, you said, she saved me like three or four hours of work, and the cost to have her do that was in the room at all. So we’re great, we’re freed, freed of giving up control, maybe afraid of spending the money I know, everybody has to get to the root cause of why you’re not doing, you know, leveraging other people’s talents. So yeah, I agree. 100%.
So, let’s say that I went through this assessment, and I found out my superpowers and or my blind spots or weaknesses. What’s the next step? What do I do with that?
So the report gives you the information and based on your blind spots, we give you a little exercises. So we published a book on Amazon, I think it’s like 19 bucks, or something I don’t even know, you can get on my website, too. And the book goes through each of the styles, deep dives into all of your strengths, all of your blind spots. And at the end of each chapter, we give you about 10 exercises to do. To really continue to hone and grow those strengths or superpowers you have. So you get better and better and better and faster, and faster and faster and more and more efficient, because they’re natural to you. So we give you those exercises. And for the blind spots.
The biggest piece, I think, for people after they take the assessment, is when you understand the people that are wired differently than you. I mean, 180 degrees differently than you. You’ll have aha moments of saying, Oh, that’s why they get stuck in the weeds. Oh, that’s why they go down the rabbit hole and don’t ever come out. So you have to understand those people. And then you have to give people like that deadlines, and say, do the research. Here’s the deadline, I want an executive summary. Do not give me all of the research and spreadsheets that are 3 million lines long, I’m not going to look at something like that.
So you have the clarity that helps you be able to communicate clearer with what your expectations are. Also, to see your blind spots like you were saying, Mostafa, to know who to hire and what you should be doing yourself. Because if it’s something you’re good at, and you can hone those skills, why would you outsource it? No one’s gonna do it as well as you because it’s your business.
Eventually, you should do that. Eventually.
Yeah, right. Exactly. Right. So we have.
And Adele, Back to your point, Adele says I’m understanding that building my strength is more important than working on my weaknesses. Yes, exactly.
100%. So if you have any weaknesses, right off the bat, you have to delegate all your weaknesses. And eventually your own strength becomes the company’s bottleneck. Because here’s why, I am good at sales. Let’s say that I think that I’m good at sales, that I don’t delegate that task to other people, eventually the company I become the bottleneck to the company, because I am holding on to the sales to the neck of the company, and I’m not letting it grow. So eventually, you’re going to have to let go of your strength and delegate that as well. What’s your experience with that?
Yeah, I’m a control freak. I’ll admit it. Hello, it’s nice to meet you. You know, it is what it is. And I think, Oh, no, I have to do that. Because no one’s gonna do it as good as me. And that’s, it’s ridiculous. Because now with sales. I don’t know if anybody’s as good as me. I’m sorry, people out there that are good at sales, you’re probably not as good as me. I’m just saying. So I don’t know that I could ever relinquish the sales piece of it.
Although the next thing for me, right, Mostafa we talked about scaling our business, I’m starting to put teams in place to try to duplicate what I do, because it’s my name on the door. It’s my reputation. I’m not going to mess with that. So people are going to have to do it my way. Again, because my name is on the door. And I wouldn’t hire someone who didn’t understand that. And someone who didn’t believe in my values and my mission, right. My values, my mission is all about the customer.
For sure, for sure. Putting the team together is another example of how someone should grow or can grow. And what’s happening is let’s say I know a lot of people that cannot pass, get past $200,000 or get cannot get past half a million and what’s happening with those people is that they are not hiring and building a team at the right time. Perfect example of where and how the owner becomes the bottleneck. So there’s only so much I and you can do.
As amazing as we are with sales, if I want to push to seven figures, I can only sell so much, I can only make so many phone calls today. I need help, like you said, with a team say, Hey, here’s the script, here’s how we do it. I need you to make 100 calls a day. And if that doesn’t happen, the company cannot and will not grow.
So what are examples of people that have made the shift with the realization and awareness of their weaknesses and their strengths.
It’s interesting. I taught one class to a client, it was a live event. And it was a two day event. And she left and came back after learning about the communication styles, right? And she was so cute. She comes marching in the next day. And she looked at me and I said, What, what’s the matter? Oh, my God, I can’t get the communication styles out of my head. I said, What do you mean? She said, I stopped at the gas station on my way home after the class. And I was analyzing the gas station attendant. Then I stopped at the food store. And I was analyzing the man in front of me, the lady behind me and the lady at the counter. And she said, Oh my god, I shifted to talk to them at their level’s pace, whatever it is right? That you learn about your style. I was laughing more.
She said I had these great conversations that I never would have had. She’s a little introverted. She said this stuff works. I said it was like you had a magic wand. She says it was like I had a magic wand. She was so excited.
So here’s the thing. It’s like anything else Mostafa, you learn the tool, and you go, yeah, I understand that. And you never use it. You’re good at it, you understand it, and you immediately apply it and you think I’m going to try it here, I’m going to try it there, you get good fast, what happens and this is really the expectation, you should start shifting without even thinking about what the other person’s style is. It’s just become such a natural part of you. You’ll start to slow down, you’ll start to speed up. You’ll start to give them more detail. You’ll start to fly 5-50000 feet in the air, it becomes intuitive. When you apply it over and over and practice it. It’s like anything else. If you don’t use it, you lose it. Understanding and application are two very different things.
Absolutely. I mean, it takes time to get used to how it works, becomes a natural part of your behavior, and then use it.
Sure, but it’s a tool, right? It’s later on, we’ll tell everybody, it’s a free assessment. So here you have this masterful tool, you know, that’s scientifically proven. And you can use it immediately. Like, it’s as fast as that. You take it, you get the report, you could start applying it as easy as that. And if you want more, a lot of people want more because it’s such a fascinating topic to get into sight inside people’s heads that psychology piece that they love buying the book for that reason. So the book is, again, inexpensive, because we want everybody to become unbelievable communicators.
And Mostafa today with what’s happening in the world, we need to communicate better with each other and understand each other and understand where people are coming from, you know,
What exactly are you talking about with what’s happening in the world? There are a few things happening in the world.
Okay, you name it, I’m talking about it.
There, okay, you know it, we’re living through insanity in the US, the political craziness, right? And then the protests and then the riots and, you know, people are screaming to be heard, that’s communication, we shouldn’t be screaming to be heard, we should be able to sit at a table and say, let me understand your perspective and why you’re feeling that or why you’re coming from that. What was your filter that made you feel that way? Instead of screaming because no one’s listening? We’re just screaming louder than the other person. What is that doing?
I could see how there is a lack of communication, both internally and externally with people that are in the middle of this whole thing. Like they have a hard time communicating with themselves to begin with.
And they have a hard time. And by that I mean have a hard time understanding who they are, what are the weaknesses, what are their strengths?
And the rest of it, and then communicating that to people outside because once that happens, I bet a lot of these problems will disappear automatically. Like, yeah.
I know. You just said something so important. Mostafa. That, it’s very hard to look within. Very, very hard. And it takes a lot of work. Because as you peel back your onion, you might not like what you see per se. Well, then there’s that opportunity to say what tools are available for me to educate and learn and create richness, right, to change myself, because we all have the answers inside of us. The world isn’t against us, right? We’re against ourselves.
So that and the Communication Style Assessment, all of a sudden, you think that’s why I moved so fast. That’s why I make so many mistakes, because I don’t do enough research. You’re allowed to be kind to yourself, once you realize that and say, Oh, now I understand. This is what I have to do. So I don’t keep wasting time and money or making these silly mistakes after the fact that seems obvious. But you might be moving too fast that you don’t see that it could be a potential mistake.
What is your take on the following question? Should I try to communicate with everybody? Or should I try to go after and find people that I can connect with?
That’s a loaded question. So here’s the answer. I caution you, if you surround yourself, where people think exactly like you, like Mostafa, if you and I and all of our friends move as fast as we move, and we have 50 projects going at the same time. And we don’t know how to unplug and stop, right? We do, but reluctantly, almost right. So if you surround yourself with people like that, what happens is you’re competing for each other’s attention, you’re competing with each other’s energy, you start talking over each other. And I’m doing this and I’m doing that we’re never really listening to what our peers are doing. Because we’re all in the same mind frame, you have to surround yourself with people that are absolutely different than you.
So here’s my recommendation for anybody that’s a business owner, you need to, you can use the test for this too. But if you’re building a team, you need to have the Stimulating Motivator, the Innovative Organizer, the Heartfelt Advocate, the Precise Assessor and the Observing Designer, you need one of each on your team. And if you don’t, you still have exposure of blind spots, you’re going to waste time and money on making mistakes. And again, like a Precise Assessor. That would be somebody with stuff like you were saying an accountant or a bookkeeper or CFO, someone who likes to get into the numbers and dissect them and say you’re spending money here, you should be spending money there. That would be a Precise Assessor.
So here’s the deal. You wouldn’t hire Mostafa or I to do your books, that would be a fatal mistake.
You don’t want me in your books! I’m kind of an idea guy, like I look at the overall picture, here’s what the picture should look like. And that’s what I help people with. And if you try to get me on your books, it will be a disaster!
Oh, yeah. So back to your comment about how it would be tough to work and look inside. Here’s my experience, if you don’t mind me sharing.
On the outside, it looks scary. As you’re trying to get in looks, it looks scary. And this is my experience. Your subconscious mind or your conscious mind goes, I have all these all sorts of problems here. Right? And then it says no, no, we don’t want to look at problems because there is that part of our brain. I don’t know if it’s the Limbic brain or what part of the brain is trying to avoid pain. And my problems and my weaknesses are pain. And when I think about working and figuring out what my weaknesses are the brain goes, No, no, no, no, we need to go have a Coke right now. Let’s go eat something sweet. And it takes us away from that.
But what a perfect example for me is taking the last hot seat in my class. I started doing that two to two and a half months ago. So I’m like guys, here’s me. Tear me apart. Butcher me. I want to know what you thought of. First time when I was doing like holy shit. What are people going to say about me?
And then when I heard the comments and the feedback, it was a tremendous help and value. When people are like, here is where you’re exposed. Here’s where your problem is. Here’s where you can improve. I would have had to spend thousands and tens of thousands of dollars to find out otherwise from an expert or in coach or somewhere else. When I went to my customers, I said, What do you guys think? What were my problems? And they’re like, here’s your problem, like, thank you. Now I know the problem, not only on the front end.
But when you do that, think about that. If you thought if nobody gave you feedback, and you thought my program is great, my programs great, and you weren’t converting for them, for you to coach people, and you’re like, what am I doing wrong? You don’t even know because you think you’re perfect. So when you ask for that feedback, you’re getting honest, raw feedback. It’s only to help you do better. So you can’t take it personally, or in an offended way. You know what I mean?
Absolutely. And it’s such a liberating process. When you’re trying to tap into your own self, and try to understand and understand and realize who you are, and what are your weaknesses and strengths. And if you’re getting the next step is getting someone else to give you feedback, which is both liberating and is such a freeing exercise, that if you’re not doing it, I urge you, whoever is watching or listening, please please, for your own sake, for your family’s sake, for your customers, for your team, for everyone’s sake, become vulnerable, get to know yourself. Ask for help. Ask for feedback. And it’s just amazing. I’ll leave it at that.
And Mostafa, what you said before, if you only have people that think and see things through the same filter or similar filter to you, you’re never going to see that gray area, because we put those blinders on.
So we want to have people who see things and think of things and use different processes and how they take information and process it through their brain. All of a sudden, you’re doing this with your perspective. You’re going to save time and money, it goes back to that because now you’re not going to be making the same mistake because somebody else who thinks does more research, right or can do more accounting, you know better than you or I can do. All of a sudden, you’ve saved time and money.
So we gotta get the blinders off. You can’t surround yourself with people that think exactly like you very, very dangerous, very dangerous,
Exactly, because I think then it turns into an ego stroke session.
Amazing. You’re done a great job. You know, John, you’re amazing, keep doing the same thing you’re doing. They’re not criticizing you. They’re not giving you constructive criticism and feedback, which eventually all those positive feedbacks that you’re getting without the criticism will hurt you down the road.
Can I share a funny story? Do we have time Mostafa?
We have all the time in the world.
Oh, great. So I believe in the universe and angels and all of that. So I have a very spiritual side, right? So one of my friends does see angels. I know a few people think I’m crazy. That’s, that’s okay. I’m not crazy. I went to one of her workshops. It was a weekend workshop on the beach. It was awesome. And we had to do journaling and working and all of all about our internal wiring, right? This was a few years ago.
And she went around the room and shared the message of everybody’s Angel based on what they were working on and thinking and all of that. And she skipped over me. So immediately Mostafa I’m like, Oh, I think my angels are gonna yell at me. I think I’m in trouble. So I didn’t say anything. I thought maybe she just forgot good and didn’t say a word right? Because you don’t want the light to shine on you in front of people you don’t know. And then she comes back to me. She didn’t forget about me. She comes back to me last. She goes in, you, I’m like, okay, lay it on me. Like, what did I do? What did I do wrong?
And it was interesting, because I knew it. But it was the first time someone verbalized it, that I thought, oh my god, I do have this problem. I was afraid of success. So she said your angels are saying you’re afraid of success, like you’re a moron, right? They call me out. You moron why? Why are you afraid of success? And this is what came out of my mouth at that moment. And this is what Mostafa is saying when people give you raw feedback, and you get to respond to it, why you did something, all of a sudden things come out of your mouth, and you’re like, Where did that come from? So when she said that to me, you’re afraid of success? Why are you fearing success?
And my response was, I think people are going to think I’m a crook. Now anybody that knows me, Mostafa, I’m the furthest thing from a cook, right. I give things away probably too much. So the first thing is I am not a crook. But why in my psyche, something happened when I was a kid or whatever, that money, success. You’re a crook. And that was my fear that I was going to lose my friends and family. And they would think that I wasn’t a good person, too ridiculous. But until she verbally said that to me, and that came out of my mouth. I did one of these. Like who just said that? Where did that come from? And why do I feel that someone would think less of me than people that know me know where I’m coming from.
So it’s very, very interesting when people share or call you out on something or give you honest feedback, right? That critical feedback that you can think and respond and articulate and find out where it’s coming from. It’s not easy work, guys right. Mostafa. This isn’t easy stuff. It’s work.
Here’s my experience from yesterday, I was talking, I reached out to someone to help me with my funnel. And when I had the conversation, we hung up, we’re like, Alright, let’s talk later. And he messaged me and said, Don’t worry, we’re going to let the ego go as well go away as well. And I’m going ego. And I’m like, okay, so I reached back. I’m like, What part of the conversation may make you think that I’m egotistic? And he goes, Well, at some point, you said, I don’t want to take classes because I don’t need classes. And this is a guy that I reached out for coaching.
So I went back. So I made a mistake. My communication was not perfect. So I went back, and I said, here’s what I meant by that. Here’s what I should have said, what I meant was I’m working 18 hours a day right now, I don’t have time to take classes. However, I’m reaching out to you for coaching, and some straight feedback. That’s what I need. So I clarified the communication error. He’s like, Okay, perfect. All right, good. So I think maybe that’s one way for us. I think clarification as we’re not perfect by nature. It would probably help.
See if you didn’t take the time to do that. And because somebody would have said he’s a jerk. He thinks I have an ego. He’s got the ego! What an ass! Right. You could have easily done that. But put the halt in.
I did that. I was like, You’re telling me I have ego, inside, I’m going What the hell? What did I do? What did I say? And then I’m like, Alright, calm down Mostafa.
Like I wrote back, I’m like, Bro, I want to know, which part of the conversation did I sound egotistic in there. He’s like, here’s what happened. And this guy was a straight guy. He’s a nice guy. He’s like, here’s what happened. I’m like, Alright, let me clarify.
You said something you didn’t mean, the clarification. And exactly what you said I physically don’t have time when I’m working 18 hours a day, I got to spend time with my kids and my wife. Right? But it didn’t come out that way, because we’re moving so quickly. So that’s just another example of an Innovative Organizer.
What you did, that you move so fast, we don’t think about what we’re saying all the time. And people misinterpret it. So you have to go back when they give you little signals that feel weird. You need to circle back and say, whoa, you’re kind of blowing me off. What did I do? Because I can’t remember what I did. Maybe I said something that was misinterpreted. But you have to have the confidence, see, it goes back to the confidence, you have to have the confidence to go back and be able to say, let me explain myself, let me use my communication skills. So I’m always communicating in the sweet spot with others, right. That’s the confidence piece.
Love it. Love it. Love it. Love it. So please tell us about your gift. What are you giving away today?
So if you go to the link that Mostafa is showing, and you’re going to post it right on the
comments of the show. Yeah.
So it’ll be in the comments. Go to that link, guys. And it’ll take you right to my free Communication Style Assessment. I think it’s 25 questions, you have to scale them. So one through five for each of the segments within the assessment, and then you get your little report. And then you’ll be on my email list as well.
I do a whole bunch of blogs and newsletter and a ton of information that I’m sending out all the time: tips and ideas, motivational things. I really want to inspire people to want to change number one, but to take the kind of the bull by the horns and create that change in your life. Can I also pitch my podcast?
Yes, your can.
Thank you. Thank you and Mostafa’s on, I record mine. So that’s going to be coming up. So you’ll see Mostafa and I again, but it’s enlightenment and enlightenment of change. Again, if you go to my web website, Whitmanassoc.com. There’s a media page and my show is there and you could join me and download the show. And it’s all about change.
Again, another free, wonderful resource for especially business owners, to help us navigate change, whatever that is for you. I want everybody to scale their business and become the greatest self that they can be your greatest business they can be.
I’m going to post your website here in the notes. Check on the comments on the show so people could catch and go check out your website.
Awesome. Thank you.
For those of you who are watching and listening, Connie really knows her stuff. When it comes to sales. If you need help with sales, if you want to become a better communicator, definitely reach out to her.
One of my favorite things to do is to do these personal assessments. So I understand and become aware of what my problems are, what my weaknesses are, and what are my own bottlenecks, right, that I need to fix.
The first step is, I guess, understanding and then becoming aware of what the problems are, then you need to fix them, take action and the rest of it, which I believe Connie can help you with.
Fixing those communication barriers and weaknesses and help you become a better communicator when it comes to running your business.
Yes, absolutely. And just one more thing, instead of weaknesses, guys start to think of what’s my area to develop next? And then it doesn’t feel so bad that way, because we do all have blind spots, right? But it’s what’s the next area I have to address or the next area I have to develop that feels better to our psyche, and then you want to move forward and take control and change.
Love it. So for me, I like to call myself out and be like, here’s my weakness.
I know you’re adorable. You’re adorable. You want to rip the band aid off Mostafa.
I am like that I’ve been like if I have a problem, but I openly expose myself and like, tell me what my problem is? Cause I’m done being a smart ass. I’m not joking when I say it costs me seven figures a year, if not eight figures. Right?
What’s next? So we did share your gift? Connie, can I get you to give away like an hour of consultation?
We’re going to pick a winner for people that did comment or tag us questions.
This is your more valuable gift giveaway.
And for those that are watching and staying engage, so if you’re are still watching or listening, and this actually goes after the show as well, when this gets published on our podcast, if you ask questions if you leave comments and if you rate or do a rating on our podcast or write a review, or comments on the show pages on YouTube, Facebook, Twitter, and here and there. You still get entered into a draw for the following weeks and following month and we still do these giveaways. Every week, basically.
Yep. And you could give my email address to Mostafa if somebody wants to reach out with a quick question. I answer my own emails. I’m very hands on personally. It’s Connie@WhitmanAssoc.com if you guys want to email me with a question, and whoever wins will communicate through the email.
Yep, gang I’ve known Connie for like a month, month and a half now.
Connie Whitman 54:57
Maybe a little more. She is sweet. She’s adorable. She has a no BS approach. And she is someone that is easy to work with, I’d like to say, do reach out to her, get her help. And, you know, see what you can do to improve your business. Now, Connie, here is my last question for you.
Connie Whitman 55:19
If you had a Facebook ad that everyone on the planet could see. What would your ad say? What would your message be?
I think that’s such a good question, Mostafa. I think my answer would be, if you want to learn how to be you better, right? Really the best you you can be. Work with me. And if you want to learn how to sell and scale your business, and do it from a place of love, then I’m the person you should be working with. Because if you’re not selling and connecting with your customers, from a place of love, and it’s icky and sleazy, you’re not doing it right.
Love it. Love it. Connie, this has been an absolutely amazing conversation. Thank you for joining us.
Thanks for your generosity,
Oh, my pleasure.
And gang, again, reach out to Connie and have a conversation about your communication style and improving your sales overall. And do reach out to her. Now. For those of you who are joining us, and haven’t downloaded our Confidence 52 ! checklist, which is my checklist of 52 things you could do to boost your confidence on a daily basis. You could download it at the following link, which I’m going to leave it at in the comments on the show. And we’re gonna leave it in the show notes as well. Go there and grab your Confidence 52 ! checklist.
Also one way that I help entrepreneurs and business owners boost their confidence is by helping them create their One Page Marketing Plan. Because that gives you clarity, and it gives you focus. And a problem that we solve is I see a lot of business owners that are poking around at different marketing ideas, tools, systems, and software’s aimlessly without a goal. And what that’s causing is frustration, anxiety and depression because of the lack of results and a daily failure rate that they have to face and deal with. So we help them clarify everything, put everything on one page, work in a group environment, in a live group environment give and take feedback, and come up with your One Page Marketing Plan. I’m gonna leave a link there.
And we have regular classes that we run for Simple Marketing Formula. I’ll leave the link there for you to go double check and see the next upcoming date.
And if you have questions, if you have comments about what we talked about, do reach out to Connie or myself and post your questions on Facebook, Twitter, YouTube and here and there or on our podcast on Apple, Spotify and different places. We will reach back to you and try to answer your questions.
And again if you do those on Like, Subscribe, Comment, Tag your friend, Join our Facebook page and like it there and other platforms, your name gets entered into our draw for the giveaway that we have with our guests and with ourselves.
Mostafa, can I just comment everybody if you have a business you should do Mostafa’s. It is so intense. You walk out with that one page right? I brought my sister who’s starting a business, and it was amazing. We’re still talking about it. So you walk out with a user manual at the end of it. Literally your own specific thing. And Mostafa is outstanding plus the group interaction was amazing. Amazing.
Thank you. I really appreciate it.
I recommend it.
It was a pleasure to work with you.
And likewise. Thank you. Thanks for joining guys. We will see you guys at our next show. Thanks for watching Daily Confidence for Entrepreneurs. My name is Mostafa Hosseini. Stay tuned for the next show and for the next amazing and interesting guests that we have coming. Thank you and have an amazing day.
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