Personal Development: Empower Yourself and Achieve Success – Vered Lerner – ep 85

👉 in this episode your will discover:


• How your why will lead the way
• Why action taking is a must for change to occur
• How to use systems and automation for simplicity

Join Vered Lerner and me to learn about “Empowering through education and Emotional Intelligence”

📢 Vered Lerner is a Multi-Award-Winning Coach, Consultant, Entrepreneur, Expert Thought Leader, Writer and Speaker specializing in personal, professional, leadership and business development.
Vered is the CEO/Founder of Bizstance Services Inc., a full-service agency delivering business consulting, coaching, services, corporate training and professional development globally.

She is also the CEO/Founder of VLC – Vered Lerner Coaching, delivering individual and group coaching designed to empower with personal development and emotional intelligence training

Summary:

0:00 Empowerment through education and emotional intelligence.

  • Empower yourself.

1:34 Entrepreneurship, business coaching, and personal development.

  • Entrepreneurial journey.
  • Passion for personal development.

5:02 Personal development for business owners.

  • Personal development for business success.
  • Identify and overcome limiting beliefs.

12:03 Understanding one’s “why” for success and growth.

  • Discover your “why.”
  • Fear of change can hinder success.

19:02 Emotional intelligence and personal development.

  • Emotional intelligence for personal and professional growth.
  • Overcome low emotional intelligence.

25:04 Overcoming knowledge trap and taking action.

  • Break free from the knowledge trap.
  • Take action, don’t just learn.

32:29 Journaling and self-expression.

  • Power of journaling.
  • Express yourself freely.

37:24 Networking and emotional intelligence.

  • Effective networking.
  • Emotional intelligence for better connections.

45:05 Self-love, emotional intelligence, and personal growth.

  • Self-love and personal growth.
  • Recommended books for personal development.

53:07 Personal development, emotional intelligence, and business growth.

  • Free strategy session offer.
  • Share and grow together.

SHOW TRANSCRIPTS:

We are pleased to provide these show notes to make this podcast more accessible to those who prefer to read.

Please note that this is an automated transcription and may contain errors.

Mostafa Hosseini  00:00

Hello. Welcome to daily confidence for entrepreneurs. In this episode we will go over how your why will lead the way for you and why action taking is a must for change to occur and how to use systems and automation for simplicity. My name is Mostafa Hosseini, and I’m your host for the show a daily confidence we share tips, strategies and actionable advice for you to boost your confidence when it comes to running your business on a daily basis. And my guest today is very learner. Welcome, Burton.

 

Vered Lerner  00:35

Thank you. Thanks so much for having me today.

 

Mostafa Hosseini  00:38

Great to have you on. We’re talking about empowering through education and emotional intelligence. Now, let me do the proper introduction with Barrett and we’re going to dive into a very interesting conversation. Bert learner is a multi award winning coach, consultant, entrepreneur, expert, thought leader, writer and speaker specializing in personal professional leadership and business development.

 

Vered  is the CEO and founder of this stance Services Inc, a full service agency delivering business consulting, coaching services, corporate training and professional development globally. She is also the CEO and founder of VLC Vered  Lerner coaching, delivering individual and group group coaching designed to empower with personal development and emotional intelligence training. Welcome, Barry.

 

Vered Lerner  01:31

Thank you.

 

Mostafa Hosseini  01:32

How’s your day going? So far?

 

Vered Lerner  01:34

It’s good, always busy, but productive. I keep saying you know, busy is not always good unless it’s productive. So thank God, it’s

 

Mostafa Hosseini  01:41

going well. Fantastic. And we’re about are you? I’m

 

Vered Lerner  01:45

located in the Greater Toronto Area in Canada.

 

Mostafa Hosseini  01:48

Nice. So what’s the weather out there? Like?

 

Vered Lerner  01:51

It’s not so bad today. It has been very cold. But today it’s sunny and warmer. So we’re grateful. You

 

Mostafa Hosseini  01:58

know, out here in Calgary, the feels like what Matt was minus 20. Today, it was kind of chilly out today. It’s kind of warm the other day, but kind of cold today. But I mean, it goes up and down here. Right. So all right. So we’re talking about empowering through education, and a mental emotional intelligence verite. Why don’t you start by telling us about your story? How did you end up doing what you’re doing now? What’s the story behind that?

 

Vered Lerner  02:23

So it’s quite a long journey. I’ll try to shorten it for you. I was born into a family of entrepreneurs and business leaders. So I was quite fortunate to have that mentorship growing up and to be exposed to that market. And that world because when other kids were playing with, you know, dolls, and Legos and other toys, I was, you know, in offices, answering phones and taking messages, and you know, writing deals.

 

So it was really a natural way for me to become interested in business. And while I was working in the corporate world, and climbing the corporate ladder, I just became fascinated with why businesses worked, and why some didn’t. And so I took it upon myself to do some research. And so a while I had my full time jobs, I freelanced before that became a term. And I offered my services to companies to sort of take me under their wing so I can learn about what they do. And once I was in, I noticed that there were a lot of issues.

 

And so I started developing strategic ways to deal with those issues, but at a core level. So I’m not about bandaid solutions, I’m about find out what the problem is, and then fix it for good. And I noticed that across the board, it didn’t matter what size company it was. And you know what the industry was, and how many people work there, it was usually either a people problem or a systems problem, or the owners really knew what they were doing in terms of their profession, but they didn’t know how to run a business. So once I realized that, I started to implement different ways to help businesses and I developed quite a strong reputation for that, in 2015, I gave my business a name, because, you know, I wanted to get away from working for other people.

 

And I started working on my own and taking on clients, the coach, the consulting turned into also coaching because I guess I just have that face where people, you know, trust me, and they knew that I was very well versed in personal development. And so I separated the coaching from the consulting and that’s where I really focus on the empowerment of the person from within.

 

That’s through the emotional intelligence and all of that, and I’m really passionate about that. And I always start there on the mindset before we go into business coaching or consulting, professional development. So that’s really the story and I love what I do. I love working with people who are wanting to learn and to make changes in their lives.

 

Mostafa Hosseini  05:02

Beautiful. That’s an interesting story growing up in a business family and you know, starting early you and you know, you will be involved in business while other kids were playing with toys, and you’re on the phone and running around doing things in business, that does make a difference. I kind of grew up in a similar environment as well. So what do you do now? And who do you serve?

 

Vered Lerner  05:24

So what I’m doing now is a lot of education, and you know, business and services, the mothership of what I do, the company deals with a lot of corporate training, and development, team building, we work with the executive levels, and trickle down all the way to the bottom, but we also work backwards.

 

So we’re looking at individuals, and why they may not be performing like they were before, if there are any issues and conflicts within teams, and why some companies work in silos with when they have different departments, and not focusing on the organization as a whole, right as a total goal. And everyone benefits.

 

So we go in and do a lot of empowerment, a lot of education. And I work with, you know, people who are just starting out somebody who’s looking to get into business, and they need a business plan. And I often ask them, why this and we’re going to talk about the why. But why are you getting into business, because just because you’re good at something doesn’t mean you can run a business or qualify to.

 

And then I work with small to medium sized businesses all the way up to, you know, corporations and nonprofits.

 

Mostafa Hosseini  06:39

Love it. That’s amazing. So let’s go over why personal development is important for business owners.

 

Vered Lerner  06:48

Well, if you’re not developed as a person, then you can’t possibly manage yourself and then manage others and work with vendors and work with clients. So it’s really important to develop yourself and be at a stage where you’re able to juggle all of these moving pieces, especially in business in life in general, I mean, we have relationships, we have different interpersonal, you know, things that happen to us on a daily basis.

 

So that personal development will affect all of those areas, not just in business, but especially when it comes to business, it will help navigate the weight a lot more smoothly, and set the tone for others to follow suit. Because when you’re leading from a place of strength, then you’re also creating future leaders and future managers and you’re able to just have the results that you’re looking for, because you’re able to communicate properly effective communication and all of that.

 

Mostafa Hosseini  07:46

Love it. So give us some examples are personal development, and what that actually looks like when someone you know works on themselves. What what do they need to do? And what would what would that change in development look like? So

 

Vered Lerner  08:04

really depends on areas of weakness, right? So if you notice that you’re having some issues with confidence, for instance, you can’t you can’t communicate with people you’re having a hard time with difficult conversations, or your you can’t present at a meeting, right? Things that confidence, like what this whole thing is all about.

 

It’s understanding that goes into ties into the emotional intelligence piece. But it’s basically understanding yourself and understanding others and then understanding how the two relate and what we need to do as a person to work on ourselves in order to be able to function at our optimum when we’re around other people. And when we’re on our own because it’s also about, you know, organization, it’s also about self management and time management.

 

And, you know, some people procrastinate, some people have fears, some people have limiting beliefs. So all of those different things go into personal development.

 

Mostafa Hosseini  09:08

Love it. So I’ve done some work on that recently myself on the fears and on the limiting beliefs and the rest of it. What is What do you figure is the best What do you how do you suggest people should identify and find and pinpoint their fears and limiting beliefs?

 

Vered Lerner  09:29

So I have a whole workshop around this. I’ve several workshops, depending on what the areas are, but I will say that when you have consistent things that come up that are holding you back, when you want to pursue something and you’re not able to do it for whatever reason, you have to step back and take a look at what’s causing it.

 

What is holding you back from going forward when you have goals when you have visions when you have something that you’re passionate about yet you can’t quite get yourself to that point. point, the limiting beliefs are things that we’re telling ourselves, right things that maybe we’ve grown up hearing things that maybe were planted as little seeds while we were in school or through employers or through other people of influence, that shaped the way that we think maybe it’s also by observing, right? Maybe we’ve been exposed to certain things, a lot of this is also cultural, right? So this wasn’t really so popular in my culture.

 

But here, it’s something that is needed, right. So all of those, the transitions are difficult, change is difficult for people. So all of those limiting beliefs, all of those things that we think we know, but don’t really know, those are all getting in our way of getting to the next step. So through a lot of exercises, a lot of soul searching, a lot of answering questions back and forth, and just reflecting back on experiences, we can identify those areas, and then we can start to work on them. You got

 

Mostafa Hosseini  11:01

  1. Love it, like like analyzing the beliefs and the fears, and what’s stopping us. It’s an essential work that we need to do. And I’ve done done some of that recently. Funny enough, I’m a huge 8020 fan. If we have, let’s say 100 fears, right, let’s say we have we are afraid of 100 things, chances are, there are two or three things that that make 50 or 60% of you getting scared or have those fears.

 And if you fix those two or three things, you are going to make a massive leap in business and life or whatnot. So that’s something that I’ve been thinking about a lot recently, like what are my top two or three things that I’m really afraid of? or something, some limiting beliefs that is holding me back from trying to achieve what I what I’m trying to achieve? And then figuring and fixing those pieces? Mm hmm. What’s one question? Like, let’s get people that are watching or listening question they can answer today to list some of their limiting beliefs or fears.

 

Vered Lerner  12:19

One of the biggest fears people have is a fear of what’s on the other side of actually getting what they want to call it success, call it a relationship, you know, a milestone, what is that going to look like for me? And how is it going to change the way that I’m living my life right now. Because sometimes, you know, when we reach a certain success, then we’re kind of leaving our old, you know, version of us behind because now we have to adopt new ways of doing things, maybe we’ve got more income.

 

So we need to upgrade our home, we need to move to a different place, we need to maybe relocate depending on what you’re doing. Same thing in a relationship, if you’re, you know, if you have to relocate to a different place to be with a partner, or maybe they have a promotion, or they want to start a business. What does that look like? Right? People getting married, having children, and that changes the whole scene, right?

 

There’s no more party nights for the most part at the beginning. So you start to lose certain things. And the replaced by others, right? Could be friends, it could be coworkers, it could be you know, partners, it could be family members, whatever it is. So that fear of what does that look like on the other side holds a lot of people back Believe it or not, many people have ambitions, but when they start to think about how their life is going to change, when they actually see that level of success. They’re hesitant to pursue it. Because they don’t know if that’s going to be better or worse, almost like the grass is greener on the other side. But once you get there, right, that type of of problem is what people are facing many, many people

 

Mostafa Hosseini  14:03

love it. Love it. So we talked about how your Y, your y will lead the way. Can you tell us how that works? And why we need to know our why and how does it lead the way?

 

Vered Lerner  14:26

Yeah, so this is a big one. Because many people do it backwards. They look for the way to get to their y and that is going to cause a problem because they don’t know where to start. If you don’t know where you’re going, how can you map out directions to get there, right? Like if you’re taking your GPS to go to, you know, a Florida for instance or to I don’t know you’re booking a trip or you’re going here or there you have a destination point. But that destination point in real life for what we’re talking about here is your Why.

 

 So unless you have that you won’t be able to work backwards. So I always encourage people to look at why they want to do something, because that may change their destination point. When they look at their passion, and their vision and their mission, it’s not about one or the other, it’s about a mixture of all of them, your y really has to have a purpose, and it has to drive you because otherwise you’re going to lose interest. And what happens is, when people don’t have a strong y, the minute things start to get difficult, they run, or they drop everything, or they leave it unfinished.

 

And that’s why you have a lot of people that start multiple projects, they never really finished any of them, they just have all of these loose threads going on, but never complete anything. And so if you really want to do things the proper way, you have to figure it out, again, based on your wants and your needs and your passion and what you really are getting out of it and what you’re solving for, for other people through it, right, because our Y is often not about just us, it’s about what we’re doing.

 

For others, it’s about how we’re changing the world, how we’re making a difference, leaving an impact, right? People want to be remembered for something, some people their Why is, you know, a lot of it has to do with their family, their children, they want to leave something behind for them a legacy, right. So once you have that y, then you can start figuring out the way to get there. So let that lead the way.

 

Mostafa Hosseini  16:36

So I think y is extremely important. Like we need to know what our y is. So for someone, I think most people are confused with a Y like most people don’t have a clear why do you have any tips for people to where to get started to find and understand or get closer to the why? Yeah,

 

Vered Lerner  16:55

so again, it goes back to asking those questions. And it goes back to some analyzation. about who we are, what we’re looking to achieve why we’re doing it, but in a different sense that why? And then what what are we looking to solve? What are we looking to gain out of it? Because if we’re doing it for the wrong reasons, again, these are things that are going to hold us back from seeing true success. So the exercises that I do with people can range in different ways, depending on what we’re talking about. If it’s personal development, if it’s professional development, if you own a company, if you want to scale a company, if you’re a team leader, the why is always different.

 

But asking those questions really delving into take a look at what’s driving this project. Right? What happens if I get there? And then what happens if I don’t get there? Right? And is it still going to be relevant to me and to the whole purpose? You know, two years down the line five years down the line? Or is it just an immediate satisfaction that I’m looking to get out of it? Because it has to be sustainable? Right? When we’re looking at big projects they have to last a long time. So asking those the right kind of questions is where we start.

 

And I couldn’t give you something now because I don’t know, you know what every situation is like?

 

Mostafa Hosseini  18:19

Got it? Yeah, I’m asking questions. And I think it’s a process of asking questions. Yeah, I’ve done the exercise of asking why about five or six times to get to the core of why something is happening, right? And like, Why do I wake up in the morning? What am I doing this type of job? Why do I have a hard time doing this thing?

 

Why why do I do this? effortlessly? And, and just asking and exploring? I think you’re absolutely right. Help helps identify the why. And once we know why we’re doing something, then everything else becomes easy. Yeah.

 

Vered Lerner  19:02

And it’s important to to look at because our Y can change, right and nothing is set in stone. So having that flexibility is really important knowing that things can go wrong. And then they can be steered in a more positive direction. And taking the corrective action, we’re going to talk about action as well. But it’s important to look when you’re asking those questions. So look at past, present, and future to see the patterns that are going on as well that helps with figuring out the why.

 

Mostafa Hosseini  19:34

Absolutely. So let’s talk about emotional intelligence and why that is important to look into and develop.

 

Vered Lerner  19:44

Yeah, so emotional intelligence is my passion. It is why I do what I do. I think that when people are working on themselves, the emotional intelligence part is an integral piece of it’s probably The most important piece of personal development, because it really allows you to understand yourself on a fundamental level, the good, the bad, the ugly, and figure it out, make the changes, necessary changes that you need to do in order to become a better version of yourself. But what it also allows you to do is understand others, and have that empathy towards them, and really put yourself in their shoes, because it’s not all about me, right?

 

It’s about the other person as well. It’s about the US. And when you understand yourself, when you understand others, when you understand the relationship between the two and how we perform in society, right? These are, these are really important parts to understand because we, we communicate with people, regardless of whether we want to or not, even for someone who’s an introvert, even if someone is a loner, they still go out to do shopping to do thinking to you know, they’re out in society.

 

And so there will be interactions, right, it also ties into storytelling and being able to relate to others on a different level. But you’re always having interactions. And if you see that there is conflict or some sort of, you know, tension every single time that you’re trying to do something, talk to somebody asked for something, then probably you need to work on yourself. And that emotional intelligence level is really critical. And EI is something that can be developed and should be developed. As opposed to an IQ that you’re born with. Right.

 

And we also know statistically that people make more money, when they have a higher emotional intelligence, they get more raises, they are better accepted in the workplace, in social circles, within families, right? So you’re able to regulate yourself, and you’re able to regulate others as well. It’s really, really critical to success.

 

Mostafa Hosseini  21:59

Absolutely. What are some, and you’ve touched on this already, but what are some examples of people or behaviors that shows a lack of emotional intelligence? What should I look for in myself or people that are like, You know what, I need to work on this?

 

Vered Lerner  22:17

Yeah. So are you highly irritable? Right, if I see that I, I tend to get angry quickly. I tend to have outbursts that are inappropriate, I tend to question all of these different things that are around me, like, why did she say that? Why did he act like this? How come they got that raise? Why did he land that client? I deserve it? Why is my boss treating him differently? You know, things like that ways that we are not happy with our outcomes, right?

 

Those are things that are being affected by our minds, or our emotional intelligence, because we don’t understand we don’t have a good understanding of how we are affecting our own circumstances by not being highly emotional, emotionally intelligent, right? So the people who are depressed people who are unhappy people who are always searching, right, they never seem to find their place, they don’t have that comfort zone.

 

And comfort zone is something that you should never get used to anyways, but they’re not comfortable within their own skin, right? Always on the defensive, these are things that are indicative of lower emotional intelligence.

 

Mostafa Hosseini  23:32

So if I find out that let’s say I have any of these problems that you just mentioned, what is the next step? What do I need to do to say fixes issues and or do some personal dev to make sure that I improve myself in some some areas, I guess.

 

Vered Lerner  23:50

So the first step to any corrective, you know, course of action is acknowledgement. So first, you have to recognize that you have an issue, then you have to acknowledge that it needs to be fixed. And then you need to get some education, some perspective around it, because it’s not cut and dry. It’s not, you know, a one size fits all, it’s really an understanding of how am I being affected by this?

 

And what can I do about it, and sometimes it’s about just coming to the realization that you’re not in control of everything. And so the situations that you can control are great, and you can figure out how to do that. But some things are beyond your control, like when you have a reaction to something versus a response to something, because we know that you know, our first reaction is involuntary, right? We can’t control that.

 

But every other thing after that is able to be controlled. So it’s really important to take a look at it to do some inventory of what it is that’s happening in our lives. And and then Take those corrective actions in those areas.

 

Mostafa Hosseini  25:04

lovin, that’s a segue to our next question, which we talked about why we need to take action, for change to occur. So, and I think it’s a place where a lot of people fall into a trap that people fall into is that they do the acknowledgement, they we tend to read up on something, watch a video, listen to a podcast, read a book, and then the lack of follow through or taking action is what? What causes a problem. Let me give you an example.

 

I’m a huge 8020 fan, as I’ve talked about it, I read the book, the 8020 principle by Richard Koch, five years ago, back then, I made some massive changes on the way I do things. But then, after a while, I knew that I know the principle, but I wasn’t doing much with it. Right? So it was just like, yeah, oh, yeah, I know it 20. It’s a great principle. It’s amazing. But nothing was really happening. Tell us about how do we get past that the trap of falling into the knowledge trap?

 

To take an action to make change their core? And how we could we could make that happen? I guess.

 

Vered Lerner  26:30

Yeah. So I mean, you’re reminding me of, you know, a typical scenario of a lifelong student, a career student, these are people who are constantly going to school getting degrees, getting certificates, learning, but they never have a career at anything, because they just keep going back for more. So they can’t really settle down and start a business or get a job or because they’re always going back and learning.

 

And so I mean, if that’s what what’s, you know, floats their boat, and great, that’s fine. But most people can’t survive on that. And I find that, you know, it’s the same thing. Also, when we’re not really taking action on things that we’re learning, we’re not implementing strategies that we’re learning, we’re not. And again, taking that action, it could be a fear of how will this affect things for me, right. So when you’re talking about reading books, for instance, you can read all the self help books that you want, and I say this all the time. And then they collect dust on the shelves, if you don’t know how to apply those strategies, how to take that knowledge, and make it work in your life to improve your situation.

 

No change is ever going to occur. And so you need to start taking the action towards it, even if it’s just little baby steps, because it’s like a snowball effect and little pebbles that turn into big rocks, and then boulders and mountains that you can climb up and get to your destination get to where you want to be. And again, we keep saying destination, but it’s a it’s always a life pursuit of more, right. So once you get to a certain place, then you’re going to want to get to a higher place and a higher place.

 

And it’s really critical to understand that you can’t get anywhere unless you start taking action, a baby cannot walk unless it starts to crawl. And then it starts to, you know, to like a toddler, right, we toggle back and forth. And then you can start to walk faster, and then run and then all of that. But we can’t do these things for ourselves either in life unless we start taking those little steps, right. That’s why we say baby steps. We have to take little corrective actions. And they’re all corrective, because we’re trying to make things better in order to get to where we need to be.

 

Mostafa Hosseini  28:50

Absolutely. Something that I notice is preventing me from taking action in some areas is the sheer amount of information that we’re bombarded with. And the ease of access to a lot of books and videos and audios and podcasts and listen that that like you said, we get we get drowned in all that information. And we just forget to take action towards a certain problem. And I think there is a maybe there’s a dopamine release in our brain for learning all this cool, cool information that we get addicted to, and then we forget to take action on it. What’s your theory on that?

 

Vered Lerner  29:36

So there are two things involved with that. Number one is, you know, we can’t get caught up in that rabbit hole of learning. We also have to be very careful who we are learning from right because not every source is the most credible. Not every leader or coach or consultant is equal. So you need to figure out who you are putting your time Question, when you’re starting to absorb that knowledge and that information, because somebody could be giving you the wrong advice, I would say that, you know, there are a lot of well intentioned people out there that are not necessarily qualified to give you the proper guidance.

 

So, before you start anything, make sure you know who you’re learning from and who you’re absorbing information from. But the other thing is that when we get this information, we need to be able to apply it in a way that’s helpful helpful for us. We need to look at the ways that we are taking that corrective action for ourselves, right? So it’s kind of like a catch 22. Because, you know, you’re learning you’re absorbing, and then maybe it will work for you. Maybe it won’t, but where do you stop? We know where we’re starting.

 

 But where do you stop with that? And how far are you willing? How much are you willing to invest in? Right? For sure.

 

Mostafa Hosseini  31:01

Monica is saying, learning is safe, but action could be terrifying. And that kind of makes sense. I mean, it’s easy for me to read a book, but to take action and actually do this stuff. People might have that fear of Oh, what if this happens? What if I look stupid? What if I make a mistake? What if there is a failure?

 

Vered Lerner  31:21

Well, yeah, and that’s, again, those are self limiting beliefs. And they’re also fears that we need to address and conquer. The one thing you said now is, you know, what are people going to say, and we give a lot more, I guess, a lot more attention than it deserves to what people are really thinking of us. You know, when when other people think of us, then I’m sure they’re not going to go to bed sleeping at night, thinking about us.

 

We just were not that important to them. So they might be talking, you know, for an hour for a minute for a day. But eventually they move on to the next exciting thing, right? So we you giving them that that precious real estate in our mind is actually hurting us. It’s working against us. So it’s important to not think about what others think of me and just stay true to yourself, to where you need to be to what you need to do and take that action for yourself. When you do it for yourself, then it doesn’t really matter what other people are seeing.

 

Mostafa Hosseini  32:29

Love it. Sometimes people ask me about I talked to people about updating their, say, their social media profiles, to something they’re trying stuff. And then sometimes people respond with, what if people think this? What would people say? And my immediate response is? The question is, how many of these people that you’re worried about are actually paying your mortgage? Answer? Very many know many of the people say on any social media platform are actually your clients answer? Not very many. So why would you care?

 

So you don’t? With most, you don’t even have a relationship with most of them? Why would you even care? And if if you’re doing something towards advancement of your life and business interest of it? Why would you worry about what people think they could think all day long. And as far as I’ve seen, what people think of me hasn’t put any money into my bank account, or it hasn’t translated into any business success. I mean, obviously, people don’t care about it. I’m trying to serve that matters. And then we’re just gonna go after that, I

 

Vered Lerner  33:33

guess, right. One thing I do want to point out is that, you know, when we are learning something, or when we come across something that’s intriguing us, right? It catches our attention, and we’re inspired by it. That inspiration is a fleeting moment, because you once you get caught up in something else, it’s very difficult to go back and regain that inspiration, it doesn’t last long. So it’s important to identify what inspires you when and how, and then start taking little bits of action towards that. So maybe write it down so you don’t forget, right?

 

If something is motivating you, if something is inspiring you, what about it caught your eye? What about it made you think this is a possibility? Right? So start journaling that and maybe you can’t take that action right away, but you can at least go back to it and get re inspired, right? Because what happens is when we’re when we let that inspiration go, it’s gone. You’re often not going to remember that’s why when we go back and read books or watch movies multiple times, we see things in different way based on where we are in life and our situations and, you know, experiences that we’ve had, we tend to you know, look at it in a whole different light. So when we go back to the things that inspired us, maybe we can gain a new perspective there.

 

Mostafa Hosseini  34:59

Love it. I love what you mentioned about journaling, like, downloading our thoughts and writing it down and then reviewing what what is actually happening is a very eye opening experience. And it’s a very relaxing experience. Personally, when I do it, I try to do it like two, three times a week, every time I my brain start gets loaded with information and worries and things that I need to do. And I have, let’s call it, let’s call an information overload in my brain. As soon as I download everything on my phone, or on a piece of paper, it just gives me that immediate sense of relief and release that, and relaxation when it feels like the brain opens up.

 

And I think it’s a good exercise to connect with ourselves. Because as long as the thoughts are in our head, the way I feel and see see is that I can’t connect with it once it’s in there. But when I put it on a piece of paper, and I’m looking at it, then I can analyze it, because now it’s something tangible in front of me and I the brain could see all right, you know, that’s that’s wrong was stop, oh, that’s some stupid movie made there. And you should probably stop that.

 

Vered Lerner  36:06

Well, you’re getting a different appreciation for it right at that point. Because when something lives in our brain, and we’re the only ones thinking about it, then it’s very limiting, right, and it’s limited. But once we put it out there into the world, once we write it down or even speak, you know, voice notes or whatever, however people want to journal I always say doesn’t mean you have to write it with your, you know, pen and paper, you can put it in your phone, you can leave it on, you know, a memo, or whatever it is.

 

But once it’s out, then it leaves more room in order to be able to explore it, right? That’s what you’re saying? Like, it’s a sense of relief, to get it out. You don’t have to worry about remembering it either. How many times have you had you know, an interview? And you have to think about like, oh, what’s coming up? Or, you know, I really wanted to say this, and then you forget, and then at the end of the interview, you’re like, damn, I want to say that, why didn’t they say it? You know, but having those those thoughts, kind of, you know, in order and getting it out there, so you can reflect back on it is really, really important.

 

And when you’re thinking about you know what needs to happen next, it just gives it more context, right. So that you can also retrieve, you can go back and say, Well, why did that make sense to me then? And not now kind of thing? Love it.

 

Mostafa Hosseini  37:27

I’ve also noticed that people with low emotional intelligence have a hard time journaling. They are almost afraid of it, not almost they’re afraid of it. And a few people that I’ve suggested journaling to I see a fear of getting exposed enough. Or like, What if someone sees my notes, and they don’t want to write it down? Oh, my God, this is really hurting you, you need to get your thoughts out and relax. What do you have to say to these people about overcoming that fear of journaling?

 

So they they could get the thoughts that are bothering that bothering them out of their head? So they could maybe analyze and or move forward? And the rest of it? Yeah.

 

Vered Lerner  38:12

Well, the first thing we have to understand is, you know, again, that’s a fear, right? So what if somebody sees it? What, why are they afraid of somebody seeing it? Are they embarrassed of it? Are they afraid that someone’s going to steal their idea? Are they going to be, you know, ashamed that they’re feeling this way? Or thinking this way? Like, what is again, the why, right? What is causing this reluctance to get it out of your head and somewhere else?

 

Now, it’s often you know, the same thing when when people have a lower emotional intelligence, and they don’t want to talk about their business or collaborate with others, because they feel like somebody’s going to take, again, steal their idea, take their clients. There’s, I mean, there’s always enough business for everyone to go around. And the more we collaborate, it actually opens up to more possibilities, right?

 

So I would say to those people, that when you start to develop an emotional intelligence, a higher emotional intelligence, you understand that you need to give this it’s a gift you’re giving to yourself, to release everything that is kind of weighing down on you, right, you’re you’re carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders, but by releasing it a little bit, you’re freeing the space. And again, going back to you’re looking at it from a different perspective. So one of the things I don’t even know I keep saying this where I heard this, but I use it all the time.

 

When you’re inside the jar, you can’t read what’s on the outside label. And so it’s really important if you don’t have people around you to be able to give you external perspectives is to be able to get it out and then look at it and analyze it in different ways for yourself, right. So having that emotional intelligence developed, just really allows you the freedom to do more. And when you don’t have it, you’re holding yourself back for no reason.

 

Mostafa Hosseini  40:07

Yeah, absolutely. I think I see, I hear and I talk about all the time, which is a similar idea. And that is, as long as you’re in the picture, you can’t see the picture. Because you’re in it. There you go. Same once you come back, and then you come out signing and look at the picture. And you could see, well, here’s what’s wrong. And it’s like the same idea as like, writing down what’s in your head.

 

And you could come back and look at it, and be like, Oh, my God, I can’t believe I had this thought last week or yesterday or right now. And gives you just gives us that chance to analyze and think about it. Now let’s talk about how emotional intelligence plays into relationship building and networking, which is an essential part of business and something we need to deal with on a daily basis.

 

Vered Lerner  40:55

So networking, used to be that you would go to a networking event, start handing out cards, go to different booths, and talk about how amazing you are, and how everybody should buy from you and do business with you. And that was the whole point of networking, right is to be able to, to sell. But that isn’t the proper way to network. I mean, networking is should be built on relationships, it should be telling people that you’re interested in them, right?

 

standing out from the crowd, if you are at say, you know, you do go to a networking event. And there are hundreds and 1000s of people going by and everyone’s doing the same thing. They’re telling you how great and giving you business cards, and then that one person comes over and says, Hey, I really like your booth. Tell me more about your business? Or, you know, I’m really inspired by your story. Can you give me a little bit more about your background? How did you get into this, and if I were interested in this, what would happen? So now you’ve, you’re like, wow, this person is interested in me and what I have to sell.

 

And so they will remember you, you’re making an impression. And then you’re building a relationship you’re at, you’re asking them for advice, you’re asking them for input. And then you can start a conversation that way, building relationships is about learning about other people, and especially in sales. You know, when we do our marketing, we talk about our avatar, our target audience, and who our niche should we want to solve problems for. But if you don’t know, your target audience, your niche, your avatar, if you don’t know what you’re solving for them, how are you going to solve it.

 

And it’s the same thing with networking, you need to know who your audience is who you’re talking to, before you can go and tell them that you’re great that your products are the best for them that you can, you know, collaborate with them that you can do business joint ventures, how are you going to know that when you know nothing about them. So it’s always best in networking to again, go and show some interest in the other party, and then see how you can, you know, maneuver the conversation towards how your special area of specialty or your experience your expertise can benefit them and vice versa. And when you do that, you will stand out from the crowd, right?

 

You they will remember you. And that’s one of the most important things is to make yourself memorable. And that only comes with emotional intelligence.

 

Mostafa Hosseini  43:30

So does for someone that has a hard time connecting with people and over networking, then I guess they if they work on their own personal development and motional intelligence and I think getting to know their themselves, then they might have an easier time connecting and finding like minded people that I can connect with and I guess, connect with them and make friends and do business and rest of that. Absolutely.

 

Vered Lerner  43:59

When you take interest in other people, when you have confidence in yourself, you’re not embarrassed or ashamed or holding back, you know, you can walk into a room and command attention, you know, having a higher emotional intelligence also knowing how to regulate, like we talked about your responses, but also how to regulate yourself in front of an audience, right? It’s, you know, people are really hesitant and daunted to even now, like two years into the pandemic, to go on a zoom call in front of a screen full of 2530 people and talk about themselves or ask questions or share information.

 

But when you’ve developed your emotional intelligence, there’s a reason to have those fears. Because you’re confident in who you are as a person, you’re confident that what you have will contribute value to them, and vice versa that they can contribute value to you. And how are you supposed to learn what they can contribute to you without the ability to communicate with them. So again, it’s all it all ties in together. Love

 

Mostafa Hosseini  45:05

  1. Love it, it’s like, for me, the way I look at it is like, if you can’t communicate with yourself, you probably would have a hard time communicating with others. If you don’t like yourself, you probably can’t expect others to like you. If you don’t love yourself, don’t even think about getting, you know others to love you. So emotional intelligence piece and, and the self personal development.

I think it’s embedded, it’s got all those pieces in there where you just make because I think people that some people would have, like, you talked about people that are not comfortable in their own skin, they probably don’t like themselves. And if you’re not comfortable in your skin, then once you start liking and appreciating yourself and things about yourself, then people will take are more likely to take interest in you. And you know, do business with you become your friends and refer people to you.

 

But think about this. Let’s say that I don’t like myself, I have a problem with myself. How would people even think about referring people to me if that is happening? Right? Right. So

 

Vered Lerner  46:16

yeah. And it’s important to also know the difference between liking yourself and loving yourself and being in love with yourself. There is a big difference in the way that you show how you feel about yourself, right? Think about people that you tolerate people that you’d like people that you love, and then somebody that you’re in love with, you will do anything and everything for that person, right.

 

That’s how you should be with yourself, the most critical and important relationship you will ever have is with yourself. So you need to make sure that that’s where the focus is. Love

 

Mostafa Hosseini  46:50

and hopefully you want you want like, become a self centered person.

 

Vered Lerner  46:56

Yeah, but I mean, self love is different than being selfish. Right? Right. There’s a and again, this is this is all covered in emotional intelligence training. But there’s a huge difference. And just because you love yourself doesn’t mean that you’re neglecting anyone else that you’re thinking you’re better than anyone else. It’s just an appreciation for the human being person that you are and the value that you bring to the world. Love it.

 

Mostafa Hosseini  47:25

Monica, how could I’m sorry, my apologies. I was looking at Monica’s name here. She says wondering your writing speak our thoughts, we start creating a new reality. Absolutely, then we can look at it. Now Vera, how can people find out about you and get in touch.

 

Vered Lerner  47:39

So they can get in touch with me on LinkedIn, I think the link is here. And also on Facebook, on Twitter or Instagram, they can go to my digital business card, all of the links are on there as well. And they can go to biz stance, bi Z sta mce.com. Or they can also go to they can call me 437-800-1221

 

Mostafa Hosseini  48:09

Beauty let me I’m just going to post your LinkedIn link here on on a comments below gang. And feel free to reach out send a connection request and mentioned that you heard us talking about doing a conference for entrepreneurs with Mostafa, and get in touch with her and tap into her intelligence and the rest of it now, very Can I ask you a few personal questions? Yes, of course. All right. What’s something new that you have tried recently?

 

Vered Lerner  48:41

I’ve tried painting recently. And you never know where your child talents are gonna show. So I’ve heard of paint nights before I’ve done it, you know, a few years ago, on a small scale. But recently, I went to a couple of paint nights. And it was just instructional again, this, this is the confidence thing, right? So I walk in and I’m like, you expect us to draw that?

 

Or to paint that I should say? And she was like, yes. Well, you know, we kind of lead you every step of the way. And I couldn’t believe that the end piece turned out so much alike. I mean, everyone has their different flavor. But so much like the original and all of the different people that were doing this paint night had gorgeous, you know, outcomes with their paintings, but that’s something that I tried I love

 

Mostafa Hosseini  49:28

  1. Love it. I you know, I used to paint paint and draw when I was very young, probably in my elementary school and then I for some reason, I dropped it and I but I really look forward to getting back into it because it’s like, it’s a beautiful way of expression and expressing their thoughts and feelings and the rest of it. So it’s great, same same as music.

I love to get back into it and I’ve been, you know, away from it. What’s what are your top two or three favorite books books that have made it Massive differences in business or life or books that you recommend to people all the time.

 

Vered Lerner  50:05

So I love the alchemist. That’s a really great book. And I think, you know, when I let my daughter read it, and she’s a teenager, what she got out of it was also a great message, what I got out of it was a beautiful message, similar lines, but you know, to her, it was at her level, and to me, it was at mine. And I think that when people read this book, it will speak to them in different ways. I mean, it’s been translated into multiple languages been around for a long time.

 

But it’s just a magical, beautiful journey into yourself. So that’s one of them. And another book that I really like is called the Garden of gratitude. And it’s just about being grateful for everything, and the good and the bad. Because nothing is really bad. Everything that we go through is meant to teach us something to elevate us to, you know, propel us in the right direction, and we just have to be grateful for every experience.

 

Mostafa Hosseini  51:05

Love it. Yeah, The Alchemist is an amazing book. I really enjoy reading it if I want to reread it. It’s a it’s a great book, and I’m sure I’ll probably have a different perspective on it this time around. I probably read it 2018 is when I read it, so four or five years ago now. Yeah, I look forward to that. Are there any other books?

 

Vered Lerner  51:26

I mean, there are lots of them, you know, so when it comes to difficult conversation, yeah, difficult conversations is another one. Because, you know, again, with everyone that I work with, I come across so many different people and scenarios and things that they share with me. And it always helps when I go back and I look at these things, and I can apply some of the strategies, you know, because we’re we know a lot but we also forget a lot, right?

 

So when you go back and reread relearn, retrain, those are the ways that you can always keep on top of everything.

 

Mostafa Hosseini  52:04

What one advice that men have made a massive change in your life, our business.

 

Vered Lerner  52:13

Never give up? And never stop growing?

 

Mostafa Hosseini  52:19

Is there a story behind that? Well,

 

Vered Lerner  52:20

there’s always a story behind it. But I think when you get to a certain place, right, you feel like you’ve completed a goal, like you’ve reached out, as I was saying before a destination. But if we just plateau and stay there, then other people are going to surpass us, other businesses are going to surpass us. And it’s the same thing like why does, why does Coca Cola Nike McDonald’s, why do they keep marketing they already have their name?

 

Their brand, everyone knows them? Why do they pour millions of dollars into marketing campaigns, because the next best thing is going to come and they need to stay front and center in people’s minds. So never stop. You always have to keep moving.

 

Mostafa Hosseini  53:07

Love it, the next best thing is going to come. That’s right. That’s a great, beautiful line there. Love it. verite, if you had a Facebook or Google ad, were everyone on on the web around the world could see. What would your message be for people of Earth?

 

Vered Lerner  53:31

I would say Believe in yourself. And almost and I say this tongue in cheek, almost anything is possible.

 

Mostafa Hosseini  53:47

Love it. This has been an absolutely great interesting conversation, lots of nuggets and things that people can work with. And you You offered a gift. So people that reach out to you what is a gift that you have for them for our listeners and people that are watching. So

 

Vered Lerner  54:06

for the listeners, and people who are watching today, I do have a power hour with their ad. And it’s not just a consultation or a discovery call. The Power Hour is a strategic call where we take 45 minutes and do an entire strategy session. And it can focus on personal development, business development or professional development.

 

So any of those areas. And then once we have once we do the strategy strategy session, the last 15 minutes are spent building an action plan because this is where most people drop off. And then they’re able to walk away with that plan that they can start taking action on right away and continue to build on it.

 

Mostafa Hosseini  54:53

Beautiful and what did I need to do again to get access to the power hour? Just

 

Vered Lerner  54:57

reach out to me contact me To tell me that you’ve seen the show and that you would like to take advantage. It is a you normally charged $500 for this hour. So it is something that I’m giving as a gift for being involved in your show right now. And they just have to tell me that this is where it came from. And it’s complimentary. Beautiful.

 

Mostafa Hosseini  55:18

So again, get go reach out to Varun on LinkedIn, reach out and tell the sun her message, tell her that you listen to the show, or watch this talking about this, and claim your gift there. Thank you very much. This was very interesting. I appreciate your time and feedback and expertise. Gang, if you’re watching or listening, please make sure that you like and subscribe to the show on whichever channel you’re watching. If you’re listening to the podcast, please write a review and a rating for the information that you just received.

 

And or let us know what difference it made for you if you had any aha moments. Also, in the comments on social media, if you know a friend that could benefit from the conversation, tag them in a comment and or send them the link of the show, so that they could benefit from this amazing conversation that we had here. And talk we talked about God, we talked about a lot of things personal development, emotional intelligence, connections, business, getting to know ourselves, our fears are and a bunch of solutions and questions that you can listen to and go back. 

And here’s a tip, go back into stuff that we talked about, actually do it. answer those questions and claim your free gift with Barrett and have a conversation with her and see where would go, you might end up developing a great relationship and, you know, becoming business partners.

 

So thank you very much. This is it for me. Have a great day. And we will see you Is there anything you would like to mention verite that we didn’t get a chance to talk about?

 

Vered Lerner  56:57

Um, well, I love what you said about tagging someone because sharing is caring. My kids always cringe when I say that. But sharing is caring. And you never know who you can touch and what you can do for them to change their life to change their ways to give them that eye opening moment. So it doesn’t hurt. All it takes is a little clique or you know, attacking somebody.

 

So if you can do that, that’s great. The one thing we didn’t talk about, which I think we put in the description was the Systemising and automating to simplify. And maybe I can come back and talk about that because it’s all different. So I think yeah, so absolutely.

 

Mostafa Hosseini  57:38

We Well, we ran out of time we talked about a lot of things and there’s so much to talk about and I guess when they when when you actually claim your gift with their it, ask her about that. And I’m sure she can tell you all about it. All right, gang and or when you come back next time, we’ll talk about it and, and then we’ll go from there.

 

Thank you for joining us. My name is Mostafa Hosseini, your host for this show. I look forward to seeing you next time around and again if you have any questions about today’s topic that we just talked about, put them in the comments and we will get back to you. Have a great day and see you later. Bye now.

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FAQs

What is personal development, and why is it important?

Personal development is a lifelong journey of self-improvement. It involves setting goals, learning new skills, and working on personal growth. It's important because it helps you reach your full potential, build stronger relationships, and lead a more fulfilling life.

How can I improve my emotional intelligence?

To improve your emotional intelligence, you can start by practicing self-awareness, self-regulation, social skills, and empathy. Consider taking courses, reading books, or seeking coaching to develop these skills further.

What are some effective strategies for setting and achieving goals?

To set effective goals, use the SMART goal framework: Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, and Time-bound. Break down large goals into smaller, actionable steps and track your progress regularly.

How can I overcome limiting beliefs and negative thinking?

Challenge your negative thoughts, practice positive affirmations, and surround yourself with positive influences. Cognitive-behavioral therapy can also be a helpful tool for overcoming limiting beliefs.

What are some practical tips for managing stress and anxiety?

Practice mindfulness techniques like meditation and yoga. Engage in physical activity, get enough sleep, and maintain a healthy diet. Consider talking to a therapist or counselor for professional support.