How to Network without Being Salesy or Awkward – Michael Whitehouse – ep 86

Mostafa Hosseini  00:01

Hello and welcome to daily confidence for entrepreneurs. In this episode, you will discover why networking does not need to be stressful. Why everyone you ever need to meet is in your network. And if you focus on giving, you’ll find opportunity to gain. We are here with another amazing guest, Michael Whitehouse. Welcome, Michael.

Michael G Whitehouse  00:25

Thank you. Great to be here.

Mostafa Hosseini  00:27

Great to have you. And we’re talking about how to network without being salesy or awkward. Now, as usual, if you’re watching or listening, please make sure to like the show. Subscribe. And if you have any questions, put your questions about networking and what we’re talking about in a comment and we will answer it live and or before the show.

If you know a friend or business owner and entrepreneur and executive that could benefit from improving their networking skills, tagged them as a comment on social media and or send them the link of the show and share the love. Feel free to share the show on whichever channel that you’re watching with your network and help them into this amazing topic that we’re going to talk about which is essential to business and business growth. So let me do the introduction to Michael and we’re going to dive into a very interesting conversation.

Michael Whitehouse is the guy who knows a guy in 2014, he came to Groton, Connecticut, knowing no one at all. A year later, after diving into networking with both feet, he was a major connector in the local community. In 2020, he went global and became began connecting entrepreneurs, investors, speakers and others around the world, to people they need to know. He offers his services as a networking concert, making connections and building strategic alliances around the world. He is the host of the daily morning motivation podcast and the guy who knows a guy interview podcast. Welcome, Michael.

Michael G Whitehouse  02:08

Thank you. It’s great to be here.

Mostafa Hosseini  02:09

Great to have you. You’re in Groton, Connecticut. Today’s date, right?

Michael G Whitehouse  02:15

You did. I was impressed. Very few. What’s

Mostafa Hosseini  02:18

the weather like?

Michael G Whitehouse  02:19

It’s, it’s I think it’s in the 50s. Sunny,

Mostafa Hosseini  02:23

beautiful, how’s your day so far?

Michael G Whitehouse  02:26

It’s going pretty good. Although I was a couple minutes late to this because of an introduction you made for me, because you’re also quite a connector yourself. So I blame you for making me late with all those introductions. Oh, good.

Mostafa Hosseini  02:39

Make me good introductions anymore? No. Oh, good. So Michael, we’re talking about how to network without being salesy and awkward. And I think a lot of people have fears of that fears of being salesy or awkward, which we’re going to tap into. But before we do that, let’s start by telling us your story. What is your story?

Michael G Whitehouse  03:04

Yep. So So I got started networking, as you mentioned in the, in the bio there by starting by knowing nobody moving to a new area, and just jumped in with both feet because I am a super extrovert. And I met with Yes, I went to every business after hours before hours ribbon cutting, like I would have showed up for the opening of an envelope. And I started making all these connections. Because I was ignorant on fire, I didn’t know what to do.

So I did a lot of it. And then flash forward to the pandemic times things went online. And I was able to start making bigger, better connections, because I was no longer limited to who I knew where I am in southeast Connecticut, because in southeast Connecticut, fairly small area. As I say southeast Connecticut isn’t even the commercial center of southeast Connecticut. And thanks for the testimonial there is never the commercial center of southeast Connecticut. So you know the big things Epson nice place, beautiful place to live.

But the big things aren’t happening here. So once I was able to go online, I was able to start making bigger, better connections and is really more more meaningful. And a lot of people here the first part of my story, they’re like, Well, I’m not an extrovert. So I can’t really network like that. And the good news is, you don’t have to be you can, you can make up for a lot of things by just excessive force and energy. And that’s what I did you know, you put enough time enough brute force and I think it’ll eventually work. But rather than that, what I’ve discovered is more effective is that the more powerful connections come from actually getting to know people making the connections, and it’s that it’s in those follow ups.

And through the personal relationships like you know, Mostafa, you and I, we’ve introduced each other to half a dozen each way, I think at this point, after meeting a couple weeks ago, and I’m on your show, you’re going to be on my show, you know, we’re making those connections. And we didn’t we didn’t meet at an event

Mostafa Hosseini  04:55

or networking event a few weeks ago, but

Michael G Whitehouse  04:59

Okay, yeah. If we didn’t, although we know so many people in common, we would have eventually been introduced, because we’re calling names like, Oh, I know him. I know. I know her honor. But, but yeah, even if you don’t go to the events, the the value can come in making those those direct connections, that’s really the end result is making those relationships and, and getting back to the question you had about how people are awkward at events, they’re not sure what to do not sure what to say. I think a lot of it comes from, they don’t know what they’re trying to do. If I say go talk to that person, but you don’t know who they are, or why you’re talking to them, it’s gonna be really awkward, because you’ll be like, hey, so how you doing?

Whereas if I say go ask that person for directions to the mall, you’re gonna say, Hey, do you want to ask for directions to the mall, you know what you’re there to do? So I think a lot of people in networking conversations don’t know what they’re they’re doing. That’s why it gets awkward. And they have salesy because they differ, I don’t know what I’m going to talk about.

So I’m going to pitch you because I don’t know anything else to say. And in the next few minutes teaser, in the next few minutes, we’re going to actually share some of the things that you know, some of the things that you actually can say, and focus on to avoid that awkwardness and salesy this guy

Mostafa Hosseini  06:13

got it. So, what do you do these days? And who do you serve? So

Michael G Whitehouse  06:19

I am, well, I do a number of things. But my main business, I’m a networking concierge, and I serve successful entrepreneurs are too busy to spend all the time networking. So I spend probably 25 hours a week, networking, maybe more between the events, I go to one on ones, I do the connections, my podcasts form networking.

And a lot of the people that I, the people I work with, they need to make these connections, but they don’t have 25 hours a week, they might have maybe two and a half hours a week. But they don’t have time to go to these events. But they know that their next million dollar partner could be at that event, or could be in ones one to ones or could be, but they don’t have the time to do that. So they hire me to go to the event and meet all the people and, and it works for me. Because I’ve discovered I literally cannot do anything else.

I can try to work some other jobs, but I’ll just keep doing more one on ones. So they take advantage of my inability to not network to go to the networking for them. And then as I’m meeting all these people, I will then I’ll then say, oh, yeah, you know who you need to meet, you need to meet Dan. Yeah, you need to meet Joe, you need to meet Susie. So I do the 25 hours of meeting all the people, and then maybe introduce them to three or four that they should talk to, which is the result networking would have gotten them. But without having fun all the time. I

Mostafa Hosseini  07:41

love it. Michael, what is it about networking that you like and enjoy? Like? What is your Do you know your why?

Michael G Whitehouse  07:50

So those are two different questions. What I enjoy about it is I’m a hyper extrovert, and I just love talking to people. So if I’m talking to people, whether it’s on a show or a one to one, or in a coffee shop, party, business meeting, whatever, I draw energy now that the the technical definition of extrovert versus introvert is if you draw energy from being alone, or draw energy from being with people, and I am about 105% to the extrovert side, so I just love talking to people and connecting engaging the why of it.

And what I the value I try to create from it is that for almost any problem Someone has there is someone who is the solution. If they could meet the right person, that person might have an answer for them an idea that person might be an investor, that person might be a partner, that person might be an employee, but there is someone who is the answer to their problem. And I love solving problems. I, you know, sometimes I’ve trained myself because some people don’t want their problem solved. So you always want to be listened to.

And if anyone’s a friend of mine, they hopefully know if they want to be listened to the back, Michael, and you should not solve this problem and just listen. Because otherwise, I was like, alright, yeah, so we’re working on that. I know some people I mean, she was just someone that we make a call and they’re like, I just wanted to talk. So I but I love solving problems. You give me a puzzle like that. And I want to work on it and the satisfaction be able to do that.

Especially early on in my career, when I didn’t have much to offer. I was just this guy is new in town. I was a car salesman for a while as a printing salesman, I had nothing to really bring to the table, except the fact that I knew people. And I could make connections. So I get no conversation about like, I want this to be a valuable use of their time. And the way I know I can do that is I can make sure I introduce them to someone who’s going to help them and I kind of did that more and more and more and eventually was like wow, I’ve heard a lot to the table by network now. I could this isn’t just me justifying my existence.

This is like our business this is worth money. And and that’s how it went from, you know went from kind of a hobby to overcome my own imposter. So drove me to something of real value. And I think happens a lot of people, they become really good at something. Because they’re like, Ah, I’m taking up space, how do I make myself worth my space? And for me, it was about, you know, the way I knew I could do it is making connections, I can help people find jobs, I can help people find clients, I can help people find partners, and just kept doing it and do it until I got really good at

Mostafa Hosseini  10:24

love it. Yeah, I think what you do there by meeting people and connecting people, a lot of introverts have a really hard time doing that. And a lot of people who actually think they’re extroverts have a hard time with that as well. And or maybe they lacked the knowledge and the skills to do it. And like you said, they don’t know what to say, like showing up to an event. Hey, how’s it going? Good. Do you come here often? So a great question, but, and then they run out of things to say, but someone like yourself who has mastered it, then you do it just automatically know. And it’s on? It’s on autopilot, right? Yeah.

Michael G Whitehouse  11:03

No,

Mostafa Hosseini  11:04

Michael, how did you go from local to international? What was the story there?

Michael G Whitehouse  11:12

Well, first of all, I just something you, you said briefly, that I think be helpful to a lot of a lot of the viewers is that the one key to mastering the conversation of being awkward is that solving of the problem. Because if you go and say I’m going to solve a problem for this person, that’s what I’m here. I’m not here to sell them. I’m not here to whatever I’m here to solve a problem. Now, when you think what questions should I ask?

Well, I should ask the questions to find out what they do. And that’s what problems they have. What should I say? Say things that will help you identify problems so you can solve them? So if you have that objective, then then that makes that makes it a lot easier? But to answer your question you actually asked about going to international. So March 13 2020, which most people don’t remember was a Friday, the 13th, at least from Connecticut, locked down Friday, the 13th in March of 2020. Everything you know, locked down, and I got a notification from from my BNI from BNI isn’t a BNI chapter.

And they said, We’re all going online, we’re gonna be going on Zoom. And I had this epiphany at that moment, I said, if our chapter is going on Zoom, everyone else’s chapter is going on Zoom. And wouldn’t it be fun to visit chapters all over the world? How cool would that be? At the time as a local magazine publisher, I had no thoughts of changing my business or anything else. But it just seemed like it’d be a fun thing to do.

So I went to a BIA a BNI, Facebook group, BNI members group, and I said, hey, everything’s going online, I’d love to visit some chapters around the world who would like to be visited. And the cool thing is, of course, the best chapters are ones who responded because if your chapters kind of mediocre, you’re not going to be like, hey, come visit me. But the really, really good reorganized ones reached out to me.

So the first thing I was doing was I visited a chapter in Malaysia, I visited one in Melbourne, I visited one in Washington State, Canada, visited one in England, that one was tough. That was 1:30am, local time to me, so didn’t do England again. But I visited chapters all over the world. And I got to make these connections, and see how it was done. And from there, once I realized this was a thing, I started finding more opportunities I got invited to, to other events, met some other people through BNI in different places.

And I also met a coach who taught me a strategy for selling coaching services, virtual. And so I started applying that and building a business and exploring in that direction. And then in 2021, I ended up running my own virtual summit called conference 21. Because you remember back in 2020, where the end of the year would solve everything, it was 2020s fault, right? January 1, everything will be great. So AI conference, 21, was going to celebrate the 2020, Oneness of 2021, and how it would just be so much of a better year. We were so young. And then, but so I ran this summit, and through the summit, I got to meet more people who want to be part of the summit, because there weren’t a lot of virtual summits going on yet.

And it was very, very experimental. It worked out really well made a lot of connections that make a lot of money. But it was great event. I got to make more connections through that I joined some Facebook communities that got me connected. And just one thing led to another led to another I got invited to an event I got invited to a networking thing I got invited, and one introduction after another one event after another and it was just a matter of I just kept going and saying what’s over here. What’s over here.

Mostafa Hosseini  14:46

Yeah, yeah. So going back to what you said, Did you send a message to BNI chapter saying who wants me to visit their chapter is that what I have?

Michael G Whitehouse  14:55

No is a Facebook group. So there’s a Facebook group for BNI members around the world and And I posted in there saying, Who wants me I want to come visit.

Mostafa Hosseini  15:04

Because here’s the thing that I did with BNI, because I was also a BNI member forever. And I recently I went on the BNI site. And I searched for BNI chapters who have a size of 20, or 30 or more people in there and looked for BNI chapters who permanently meet online. And I actually visited a couple of them. Yeah.

And I presented what I do, and I’m set up other meetings. So this is a strategy that looks like it’s been working for both of us. And it’s, it’s good. Yeah. I love how you, you. And so what’s really nice and critical here is you put the word out there saying you’re open to visiting other chapters who wants me in and a bunch of people obviously said, we would love to have you. Why don’t you come and visit our networking event? And, and the rest of it? Wow, that’s it? Do you have any tips for people to find on how they can find other networking events where they could go in and find networking events to meet other people? So

Michael G Whitehouse  16:11

actually, there’s a a great networker named Robert, but when he has been an effective networker for longer than I’ve been alive, and he actually created a list, PDF list of, of 50 online networking events that are going on around the country of different kinds. I think most of them are free. Not all of them. It’s and I was not expecting to be asterisk, Robert hooligan. Baldwin. Bu Twi. NBUTWR

Mostafa Hosseini  16:44

I N. Yes. And let me see if I can find it.

Michael G Whitehouse  16:51

Yeah, because you certainly he’s on LinkedIn. It’s linkedin.com/n/robert. Butlin, it would be nice. Logan is when you work with Robert, you can’t help but when? Oh. But yeah, if you go to, if you look him up on LinkedIn, I actually send out to my I have on my email list. So he sends out a resource every week. And, you know, check out this person, check out this TED talk whatnot. And one of the emails I send out is checkout Robert Butlins vaults, which includes includes his list, but I’m sure you can also just find him on LinkedIn, you sent a message and be like, Hey, I heard you have a list of networking events. I’d love to get it from you. So I

Mostafa Hosseini  17:37

look for it. And by the end of our show here, if I could find it, I’ll post a link here so other people could post it, but let’s get into that, by the way, gang, if you’re if you are hurt or what we just said, Robert, Buckland seems to have a list of 50 networking events across the US. Is that correct? Miko? Yes, yep.

Michael G Whitehouse  18:01

Yep. And also, there’s a couple of good ones that I know. There’s a frank Hagen runs the networking hub, which is a great group for for people who are just positively minded giving kind of people it’s, I think, the second Wednesday of every month, it’s networking. I’ll say networking dash hub.com. Something along those lines. And success champions network is the I’m part of it’s it’s sort of a an unbeaten I, it’s a different, it’s a slightly looser structure.

A little bit more rowdy in a fun way. But yeah, that’s, that’s something I’m part of, you can find you can search up success champions network, you find they are there chapter based, but they’re more unified than BNI. BNI is like each chapters are its own island. Success champions. It’s one community that meets in a group of chapters, because you can’t have 500 people come to a meeting, you got it. And then hopefully, focus. So those are two of the two really good ones.

Mostafa Hosseini  19:00

Got it to gang, if you’re watching or listening, if you’re interested, go back and listen to the names that Michael just shared. Google it, join them, check them out. So you can either go network with them and or get some practice in to become better at networking, because this is an essential business skill that any business owner needs to have.

And once you get busy, to a point where you can’t do it yourself, then you’re going to hire someone like Michael to do it for you. And then you just, you know, reap the benefits of that. Now, Michael, why are people so anxious about approaching strangers at networking events?

Michael G Whitehouse  19:40

Well, it seems so they don’t know. They don’t know why they’re doing it is part of the problem. And they don’t have that goal in mind. I think there’s always that fear of rejection, you know, to most people and networking. It feels like a party. And so, you know, if you want to approach a stranger at a party like How’s it gonna go?

I don’t know, maybe it’ll go, well maybe go poorly. So, a couple things I like to point out about that. The first one is, if you’re at a networking events, most people went there to this is going to shock you network. Most people a networking event went there to network, they went there to meet people. And they are more afraid of you than you are of them. Well, maybe equally afraid. But most people in network event are anxious. So if you approach them, they say, Huh, thank God, someone’s talking to me, I was worried I was gonna have to approach a stranger. Thank God, this stranger approached me. A lot of people, these events, you look out at the event, you see a bunch of people talking to each other. And so you’re thinking, Oh, they already know each other. But if you see people in an engrossed conversation for 30 minutes is one of two things.

Either they already know each other like from before, and they’re talking about businesses stories in life, and they really shouldn’t be talking to networking event, because that should be at a one on one or a phone call or something because they’re here to meet people, or they just met for the first time. And that’s why we’re all the basic questions. Oh, so what do you do? How long have you been doing that? Why do you like doing that? Who is your ideal client? All those questions are still interesting, because they’re meeting for the first time. So in this, if it’s the group, people already know each other, and you approach them, they will probably, hopefully be welcoming, because they know they’re there for a reason.

And they are just holding on to each other like life rafts. To show they’re like, Oh, good, I can meet someone, I can tell my boss, I go back to the office that I met, I made a connection, or, or they’re paying for themselves, and they can say, Oh, good, I met someone, maybe this is what I came here for. And if they’re meeting for the first time, you can kind of drift into the orbit of that conversation and listen in, because they’re going through their whole induction bio, right? Where do you where do you work? And how long have you been there and how many kids they have what you can just listen in. If they are polite, alert people, they will eventually be like, Oh, Hi and welcome.

And, and, you know, welcome to our group, well, what do you do for work and bring you into the conversation, if they’re not, you just wait until there’s an opening and then and grab on to it. But the key thing to remember is people are networking events, or their network, they’re there to meet people. And if they’re all talking to each other, it’s because they’re too anxious about the possibility of having to go approach another stranger to leave that conversation. So it ends up being you know, so it’s not just people standing there being like, Alright, I’m ready to meet people.

No one ever says that, because they’re used to the party work and standing by yourself, you’re a loser, and who wants to be that? So I got a friend. But the thing that really helped is, is knowing that when you get in that conversation, what are you they’re doing my default, I like to say solve a problem. But it can be anything, just knowing what the goal is. Is it to set up a follow up one on one appointment? Is it to see if they might be a prospect? Is it to connect them to someone else in the room, whatever it is, just know what you’re there to do. And that’s going to be easier? When you get the conversation. Now you know what you’re there for?

Mostafa Hosseini  23:05

Love it. The way I phrase that is setting my intentions. Yes. And I’m like, I need to know my intentions. When I’m going in what am I trying to achieve, which is critical. Do I enter adding to what you put there, which is amazing is I actually set a number for myself, I need to meet five people who are potential customers, JV partners, five, introductions, whatever you name it. Once I have a number in my mind, I just keep going and I usually surpass my number. Yet when I have a number, it’s that I need to Alright, I’ve made two connection, bingo, I need to do three more. Let’s just keep going. And it becomes a lot more fun. When we do it together as a group. Like there’s like two or three of us we go in in a networking event. And then we’re like, Alright, where are you at? How many people have you met? Here’s what’s working for me, here’s what’s not working for me and the rest of it.

Michael G Whitehouse  24:06

I lose the group because because as the way man strategy can be really effective. Because there’s a heuristic of introductions. So if I’ve never met you before, but I walk up to you and say, have you met Susie? And you say, No, I haven’t like, okay, great. I’d love to introduce you to her. And then I walk away. You’ve never met me before. I have no credibility. But because I made the introduction. In your mind, you’re thinking, Well, I must know him because who introduces a stranger?

And now the person is being introduced has an easier intro could they were introduced that opened up the conversation. The introducer could come back later. They basically have an introduction because now you’re thinking, Who was that guy who introduced her? Who is this guy going around introducing people? He must be he must be someone important. He’s making introductions. And just by going around and you could do this if you’re uncomfortable networking event, bring a friend And, and take turns introducing each other more. And then also, as you go out, meet people on your own, know what your partner is looking for.

So when you meet somebody, if they’re that connection be like, have you met Mr. Alpha? You’ve got to meet him. Let me bring you over to him. Yeah.

Mostafa Hosseini  25:18

That’s like networking on steroids. So again, if you’re just joining me and Michael here, if you have any questions about networking, if you have any fears, frustrations, problems, issues, or baggage about networking, and meet meeting people, feel free to put them in a chat box or in a comment below. And we’ll make sure to cover your questions. And as usual, if you know someone that could benefit from this conversation, which would be about 99% of people, you know, tag them in a comment and have them use these very useful tips.

So here’s the like networking on steroids that just Michael just shared, you bring in your people in maybe to another person, or five people or 10 people attending an event or a summit, or a JV networking event together. Now, you guys all know about each other, you and your partner. Now, when I meet someone, I’d be like, I met just Stephanie Stephanie’s good meet for Michael, Michael, Stephanie, you should definitely meet Michael.

And we’re all introducing each other now. Because I by myself can only meet a certain number of people. But if I have Michael and other people looking out for me at an event, that’s just networking on steroids. So that’s like a million dollar tip for you if you’re watching or listening. And the

Michael G Whitehouse  26:40

credibility on that is great, too. Because most people at an event are alone. Mostly when you go to a conference, you go to a networking event, you rarely bring friends with you. I mean, sometimes you might well be in the same office. But usually you’re on your own. So if you can bring someone with you. And you know, if you’ve heard someone’s name twice where you meet them, they must be a big deal. Yeah. So if you’re going around dropping the names of the other people in your team in your party, then you’re building the credibility of everyone. And they might also be like, oh, yeah, I’d like to meet him, you see around, I’d like to make that connection.

So you’re building that credibility to opening those doors, making those connections and, and you can, you can do just as well, without that, it’s gonna be easier with it, and you’re going to feel more common, especially if you’re uncomfortable, you’re gonna feel more confident. And it’s not gonna work as well. If there’s like a pack of you. You don’t want to be a gang traveling around together hasn’t terminated and be like, Hey, meet me and 10 of my friends. Whoa, okay, one at a time. But, but if you’re there, and you split up, I mean, there’s one or two of you together, then you’ll make those introductions.

Oh, hey, John. Yeah, come on over. I want to introduce you to somebody. Now you’ll look like Yeah. Because think about the how that sounds. If you’re talking to someone, they wave at someone across the room away from over, oh, you must know somebody here. You must be connected. Yeah, sometimes I’ll go to an event that’s out of my area, like, Are you from here? Now? I just came an hour early and met some people. Now they’re like, Are you from Dallas? No, I’ve never been in Dallas before.

But I showed up at four o’clock instead of five o’clock. And so I met five people ahead of time. And now I’m waving them down across the room, because they’re afraid to talk to strangers. They’re super excited. I mentioned using Google. And I look good, and everyone else gets help.

Mostafa Hosseini  28:26

Alright, someone is asking to share some tips on starting out in a networking event and some points on Small Talk in an elevator pitch, which we’re gonna get into, actually, now probably is a good time to do it. Do you have any tips on starting out? Like you already talked about it? But on giving your elevator pitch? And yeah, what do you what do you have to say about that?

Michael G Whitehouse  28:46

Yes. So I think the best way to give an elevator pitch is don’t. So it goes back to. And I noticed that the commenter was listening earlier. But I said when you go into that conversation or anything about what problem can I solve for this person, I want to identify their problem and solve it. Because any business offering solves a problem.

Yo, my business solves the problem of I don’t have time to network by No, I need to Misawa your business solves the problem of I’ve got all these leads coming in, and I need to follow up with them and engage with them. So if some if you go to a networking event, and you’re like you’re feeling out from them, what do they do? What do they need know? Like? Yeah, we spend all this money brought in 1000 leads to our webinar, and we sold three of them and no one’s opening their emails. Now you’ve got a conversation to have.

And you can say, you know, funny, you should mention that I might have a solution for you. You’re not gonna do an elevator pitch, you’re going to an answer. And if they don’t have the problem, you can pitch an elevator all the way to the top of the Empire State Building, and they still won’t care because they don’t need what you have. So I don’t worry about an elevator pitch so much. Now I do like to have a short description because people gonna say what do you do? And don’t be like, Oh, don’t worry about that. Let’s talk about you first because then you feel evasive, but But I don’t worry about having an elevator pitch in the sense of something to get their attention.

I’d rather find out what challenge they have, what problem they have. Yeah. And then either solve it with an introduction, or solve with an introduction to this guy right here who has the best solution to their problem? Oh, yeah. And I, I try to stay away from small talk and networking events. If somebody wants to engage in it, I’ll engage in it. If you want to ask me, Do you have any kids? I’m not gonna be like, we’re a networking event to talk about my kids.

 I’m not gonna ask about their kids. Because I don’t care. So why am I asked about things that aren’t relevant unless it comes up in conversation? I don’t want to make those now there is small talk you can do to make them feel like you hear, such as you ask them of their businesses, you say? What do you love about that the most?

Or what made you want to get into that? Or, or what drives you and your business? You know, those questions are a little bit deeper, not really invasive, but a little deeper than the usual, you know, five W’s. But that’s where you can get into meaningful conversation without being like, Do you have any dogs? What was your last vacation? It’s bigger, small talk, and a small talk that may lead to opportunities to solve problems, possibly with your services, or go to really deepen that relationship.

Mostafa Hosseini  31:20

Michael, you talk about finding their challenges. How do you steer towards their challenges? Like so they’re talking about, oh, what drives you? Well, you know, I’m really passionate about what I do, and blah, blah, blah. What do you do here is what I do. But Give me specifics on on how you could drive down to their challenges and have them speak out. Because people don’t talk about their challenges openly.

Michael G Whitehouse  31:48

I so people are often pretty comfortable complaining if you give them the space to do it. And if you spend any time on Facebook,

Mostafa Hosseini  31:55

I don’t know how to do that. If you Well, let’s roleplay Yeah, shall we? So you just met let’s let’s do it. Oh.

Michael G Whitehouse  32:06

All right. So so so we’re playing like an actual meeting at an event? Yeah. You just met me from the beginning. All right. Ah, geez. So I will first preface this by I’m not sure I’ve been to a live event in quite a while. So a lot of what I’m doing is one to one zoom calls. So it’s kind of different vibe. But I met on Zoom. Okay, no excuses. No excuses, White House, get to it. Put up or shut up? Yeah, so tell me about what you do.

Mostafa Hosseini  32:39

Our call center specializes in customer retention, we help customers grow their sales by 20%. In 90 days or less. That’s

Michael G Whitehouse  32:46

so great. So where do you find the people who are doing that for you?

Mostafa Hosseini  32:49

We do it through LinkedIn, we do it through amazing people like yourself, introductions, referrals, we have a list of customers. And that’s how we do it. Where

Michael G Whitehouse  33:01

you find the people actually making the calls.

Mostafa Hosseini  33:05

Whenever I find the people that make the calls, they are there all over the world actually.

Michael G Whitehouse  33:12

Okay. Yeah. And so the the clients that you find that through LinkedIn introduction, so Who’s your ideal client,

Mostafa Hosseini  33:20

I get client is establish high six figure or seven figure business who, who doesn’t have enough resources to stay in touch with their list, and they’re wasting a lot of money on new lead generation.

Michael G Whitehouse  33:34

Okay. And so, at that point, you’ve now told me, You haven’t told me I have a problem, which is I need more clients. But I can assume you need more clients, and you’ve told me who your avatar is. So from there, I could then say, Do you know? Do you know this person? Do you know that person? So for some, you know, everyone, almost everyone has a problem with any more clients?

Yeah. And no, no, you have other problems, such as we can’t handle load we have in which case, I said, Where are you finding people? You’d be like, Oh, I don’t even worry about that. We can’t take any more clients. Our problem is because now you do explain why am I answering weird? You know, the the assumption is, of course, everyone needs more clients. So if you’re saying I don’t need more clients, you’re gonna feel the need justify that probably.

And that’s going to lead down a different road of, you know, well, yeah, we really our operations manager just quit. And so you know, everything’s going crazy. But yeah, we’re holding it together. But now you really need an operations manager. So maybe we have a connection there. Speaking of which, my wife is an amazing operations manager who’s looking for an opportunity, if anyone’s

Mostafa Hosseini  34:38

Operations Manager, yep.

Michael G Whitehouse  34:42

Executive Assistant, you know, person who brings order to entrepreneurial chaos. She’d

Mostafa Hosseini  34:45

be amazing. I could probably hook her up at no time. Excellent.

Michael G Whitehouse  34:49

We should definitely talk more because yes, she needs a better job and when she has she is.

Mostafa Hosseini  34:53

So one thing that I’ve come across recently is I’ve came across the book, the challenger sale And in there, he talks about how most effective salespeople are challenged or people who gave up. They’re people who challenge their opponents in a way or two. And so one question that might that might bring out some challenges would be something like so have you nailed down your lead gen process?

The answer would be hell no. So have you nailed down your offer? Hell no. And that, so this is a no response to the question that I learned from Chris boss. He says, You ask a question when people say no, and the people love to say no.

Michael G Whitehouse  35:46

Yep. And you just Yes, they did. Wait, see,

Mostafa Hosseini  35:49

guys, by doing the roleplay. I just, I, we just came to the solution up. And as you just keep going and going people will come up with something and then you can ask question, so. So you got to you got business figured out?

They’re like, No, absolutely not. Right. Any any issues? Anything? You might be wondering what what to work on? Yeah, I’m actually looking for anybody you’re looking for? Yeah, I’m looking for a son. So you said your wife is looking for a position? Bingo.

Michael G Whitehouse  36:20

Yeah, yeah. And so the thing with the the challenge the elevator pitch, so you’re going to have that kind of pitch description. Keep it short? Yeah. Because I found, the longer an elevator pitches, the more meaningless it tends to be. Yeah, if people have very specific, you know, I have, I don’t think I’ve ever met another networking concierge. And my description is I’m a networking concierge. clients hire me to make introductions for the people they need to meet.

That’s my pitch. That’s the whole thing. It’s lessons and a half. Whereas I mean, a financial advisor, and they’re going on for five minutes about oh, yeah, with stock market, and people need to protect their retirement like, I know what a financial advisor does, dude. And I have no idea how you’re different from any other one. Because you described every financial advisor. Yeah. So. So you know, keep that short, so you can then get more into the conversation and dive more into? You know, I love that question. If you have a specific thing, if you do lead generation, then you can ask a question like, What do you do for lead generation?

And some people are gonna be like, what’s that mean? If you’re in a regular chamber event, and you’re talking to like a roofer or something, they might say, Oh, I’m on Angie’s List? And that’s the entire answer, they have that question. And they got nothing else to go with. If you’re in the coaching space, and like this, they probably will talk about funnels in Facebook ads and getting on podcast and, and other things.

But it is going to reveal even the lack of an answer can reveal the need. Because you may ask them, you know, do you know who your avatar is? Or what? Alright, you know, what kind of person you’re dealing with? Or what level of business they’re at, if they don’t know what certain terms mean? And I know you may, sometimes you’re like, I love working with them, because I want to teach them and sometimes you’re like, alright, well, great, I need to get another glass of wine.

Because there’s people I meet who they don’t network, at the level I network at, by which I mean, I come into event, I’m looking to solve problems, I’m looking to give I’m looking to help I’m looking to partner. I’m almost never saying to someone, this is my ideal referral for me as a client, or, you know, for me to hire or to hire me, you know, send me customers. Because I know I’m not going to work for one thing.

Unless someone actually asked me who is your ideal referral? I’m thinking about how can we think bigger, and a lot of people I talked to, they’ll just say, I’m a realtor, I’m looking people looking to buy sell house. And I’m like, you know how many you know how many times someone’s ever come to me and say, Hey, Michael, I need to buy or sell my house.

Do you know a realtor? Zero times in eight years of actively networking. Never have I ever saw had someone come to me and say I have this need. I’ve had a couple of times I’m able to refer people to realtors as I kind of dug it out. But for a realtor I’ve never met before at an event to tell me so if you know when you’re looking to sell a house, send them to me. I’m thinking to myself, I will definitely not do that.

Because it’s unlikely I’ll meet them and even if I do I know 50 other realtors I’d refer first because I don’t know you. And all I know is that you’re desperate for clients, which does not say good things.

Mostafa Hosseini  39:34

Absolutely. So So to answer your question, starting out with networking and elevator pitch. So what I just said was, I guess the bottom line is going there, start listening for how you can help and how you can connect and I guess there will be a point where they’re asking you what do you do, then you could give them your your description which must be very short in one line. I help X get one Why, and you just, you just stop.

And if they’re interested, and if it’s intriguing to them, they will ask follow up questions. Oh, interesting. How do you do that? Right? Yeah. What do you help put to work with? How can I introduce you to? And then you could, you know, open up more about them. But like Michael said, when they say what do you do? That’s not an invite for five or 10 minute?

Information, puke, if you will, because some people just start talking and they never stop. And you get that that that polite reaction where people are like, Ah, ha, ha, and they’re just waiting for you to shut up? ever do? Yeah. Yeah. So

Michael G Whitehouse  40:43

yeah, if you’re, if what you do is complex, because maybe you do your three businesses, and you’re doing five different things, figure out what the umbrella is that they can grab, because also remember, the human brain cannot hold three bits of information at a time. So if you’re telling them about, I do this, and this and this, and the, they’re just glazing over, like their brain cannot process the information you’re giving them.

So if I just say I’m a networking concierge, I introduce people to people, they need to know that like, Okay, this guy is a connector of some kind. Now, they made that question, well, how do you do that? What’s the structure that how much do you charge? Who do you introduce who your clients? But that’s their question, and then I’m gonna answer that question. And then they’re gonna ask another question and answer that question.

But figure out kind of, you know, what, what is the, what is the big picture, and you do something unique? If you can have a headline and actually say, Well, what’s that? What do you do? So I operate a call center that does follow ups. I’ve never met someone who operates a call center before, it’s not a common job description. And well, you own one, are you your manager? Why not? No, I own one. Oh. And now they’re going to be interested. Whereas if you’re like, Oh, I’m gonna call center ribbon. And for these people, and these people, this is a problem.

Yeah, they’re like, Alright, cool. My wife loves me. Yeah, gotta go. But he leave that leave the curiosity of the make them want to know more, and make them ask questions. And if you have three totally different businesses, pick one, be that, or better yet, make them talk first. So you know what they need. So you know, if you have if you have weight loss products, and you’re also a business coach, and you also do home improvement, your handyman.

Then don’t be like, Oh, Imma do weight loss products. Now, they’re like, you’re all over the place. Instead, talk to them, and get them to admit, you know, you’re talking to help minutes. They’re like, Yeah, you know, my back’s been kind of all right, Dr. sudden, you’re losing weight. I don’t know how, okay, you’re now a weight loss product guy, you’re not a handyman, and you’re not a business coach in this conversation, because they’ve revealed the need for your weight loss products, and not for your handyman services, or your business coaching services.

Mostafa Hosseini  42:56

Absolutely. So very, very important tip that you just mentioned as lesson first before you talk and share your, your solution, because it may or may not be relevant to what they have. Right? And by listening first, you kind of match your presentation to their needs and their problems, and they may not even be the right person for you to share and talk to. Right.

And you would you would know that when they start talking like Is this your I even want to waste my time and share five minutes about what I do with someone that is absolutely irrelevant to what I do? answer is probably not right. So by Michaels Great tip of listening first, and then matching what you have to say to their, to that person, I think you’re gonna increase your chances of success. significantly. Yeah.

Michael G Whitehouse  43:53

And the other thing I do, too, because he saw the comments about asking about what to satisfy the first response, I tried to keep the conversation about them and their needs until they’ve identified a need. And then I build strategic partnerships with other people, whether they’re affiliates, joint ventures, whatever, so that my range of problems I can solve and get paid for increases. So I have a very limited range of things that I myself do as a business. But I have a number of partners that I might refer to, if they reveal that need.

So the longer I keep, everyone’s got a problem. Everyone has something, or they wouldn’t be wise at a networking event. If they if they don’t have any problems in life. Everyone needs something. And so if if you if you say what you do, and they’re like, that’s cool, then what you do does not interest them, and they do not need it, or they don’t understand what it is. But either way, talking more is not going to help. So find out what their problem is, you know, what is the solution they need? Maybe they don’t need networking services.

Because what they’re really worried about is the fact that their kid just got arrested for the third time and they need to Introduction to a therapist or a lawyer or a family, family counselor, something like that. And, and if your guys are talking to them about, you know, the insurance programs you offer, you’re annoying them. You’re not providing information. Because also think about it like, you’re thinking you have two hands to hold things in.

So think about your brain the same way. And if you’re just loading things into their hands, there eventually is gonna go and my hands are folding or walk away. So you can’t just dump and they need somewhere to put it. So when you give them information, they just Okay, where’s this go? Where do I put okay, this oh, this goes on this shelf. Okay. All right, where’s this go? Oh, my friend, Bob could use introduction to you, I’m going to introduce to Bob shelf, but you need to be able to clear that piece of information.

So it goes on to the next thing. If you just keep dumping things in their hands, then, you know, there’s like a scene out of a comedy movie like hold this, hold this. Okay, hold this and this. Okay, one more thing. All right, and this suitcase, and this map, and this glass of water and they’re alive. They can’t hold all that knowledge. Absolutely.

Mostafa Hosseini  46:03

One thing I learned from it famous coach, that her name is escaping Loral Langemeier. Laurel. She taught me that by asking questions and listening, you are actually in control? Yes, you are directing and steering the conversation.

But if you go out there and start puking on people about things that you do that may or may not be your relevant to them. You’re just wasting wasting your time and their time. Mike, what’s your experience with that?

Michael G Whitehouse  46:38

Yeah, that is that’s absolutely right. And I learned that in you know, in sales training days, that the way you control a conversation is with questions. As long as if there’s a question out there, they got to answer it. You can’t you can’t ask a question. And so be like, yeah, and then leave like that’s, that’s some sociopaths stuff right there. You know, if you ask a question, they feel the need to answer that before moving on another way dismissively answer and then move to the next thing. But but if you ask them a question, like we’re hardwired, the questions must be answered somehow. So if you’re asking questions, keep them going.

Plus, remember, most people who mediate the event are anxious, and they don’t really want to run the conversation. And they’re afraid of having to be the one in control. So if you’re asking a question, keep in control. They’re comfortable, they’re relaxed. Is it true in sales that you’re in coaching? When I when I took training, transformational coaching, it’s all questions. The coach is really not supposed to make any statements at all as much as possible, except for instructions on how to do an exercise.

But the any statements are leading to a question, because that’s how the coach maintains control the coaching session, but also makes sure that it is the client who’s driving it. So sales, networking, coaching, it’s all about the questions, because that puts you in control, but also makes it so that is the most powerful and valuable experience for the person you’re talking to.

Mostafa Hosseini  48:01

Absolutely. So I think this is would be a good segue to our next question is, what’s the best way to be confident about approaching people? How do you get ready for that? Which I think we already touched on it, when we probably weren’t just talking about it, what’s the best way to be confident about approaching? Well,

Michael G Whitehouse  48:15

so on top of knowing what you’re going to do, like what you’re doing it for saying the intention, and nothing can be recognizing your own value, whatever it is that you your unique value proposition. So, you know, if you’re, if you’re new in business, and you’re approaching a CEO, you’re thinking he is better than me. But there’s no objective ranking of people like, Well, you’re a level seven person and he’s a level 14 person, you are seven levels below.

Yeah, he may be worth more money than him, but you’re a better basketball player. Or he or she may be more influential than you. But you’re funnier. Or even, you’ve got the person who’s you know, rich and powerful, but their back hurts, and you know, a good chiropractor. We’ve all got the same, the same needs. So So think of what you’re bringing for me. I’ve got my confidence from knowing I can make introductions. So I said, This person got good values me because I’m gonna make a connection for them. And there’s usually a question for the audience.

Mostafa Hosseini  49:22

Yeah, so next question from Adele says how do you keep track of all the contacts you make at those events?

Michael G Whitehouse  49:28

So at live events, each one hands me a piece of paper with information on it and I put notes in the back of it. Which I’m going to share some commentary, carry business cards. Having only digital business card not not a paper business card does not make you cool and does not make you modern. It makes you inconvenient for real networkers to network with is that opinionated enough?

So the way I networks I will ask someone for their card. I will put the notes of whatever I need to remember about them on the back of their car. Card, which means don’t get UV coated cards and don’t get double sided cards. Ideal card is white on the back and you can write on it. Apparently, in Asian cultures, that’s insulting.

I’ve heard, but I’m an as if it’s white on the back note, if you write on the back of a card, some culture that’s insulting in the US and Canada, you can write on the back of business cards. So when I traveled to Asia, I’ll worry about that. But but so I take the business card. And so I’ve got on my desk here, a whole stack of business cards. I’ve been doing that in a month. And I’m sure I’ve already don’t need to deal with these. But so I’ve got a bunch of business cards. And sometimes I put notes, sometimes I remember what it’s for. And then have something to do with those cards, because I’m not going to keep track of those cards.

That mean that they are because I’m throwing them out. I’m like, Oh, this might be important later, but I’m not gonna look them up yet. So I’m gonna take them home, I’m going to do whatever I said, I do that I wrote a note on the back of the card about. So make an introduction, email for a follow up call, add them to my follow up email list, call them whatever it is, I’m going to say that card stack is a stack of two dues, which is why if someone doesn’t have a card, they will not get in the stack. And I could put them on my to do list, I could write a note on my hand, the chances of unless they are someone I really, really, really want to meet the chances that they will get followed up by me.

I mean, generally, I’ll hand them my card and be like, Oh, cool. Here’s my card, contact me. And they don’t. But so I use the card is this to do to do follow up list, and then follow up. So I am not terribly organized. With follow ups. That’s something I was like, share. Some people do things. I’m not as extroverted as you so I can’t be a networker, and I’m not organized. I can’t be networker. Well, my extraversion distracts me because I’m too busy going to parties, treating them like parties and being like meeting people, I get distracted from the conversation I’m supposed to have.

And organization I don’t have. The only organization I have actually is a spreadsheet of introductions I make. So two columns, two names. And that’s all I’ve introduced. And then a separate spreadsheet of introductions made for me, people have been sent to me that I put the names on. That’s my whole networking organization system. That’s part of what my clients pay for is to be top of mind all the time. Because my organization system is my clients are my whiteboard, them.

 I always remember everyone else. It’s as I’m talking to someone. And so in the course of the conversation, I’ll figure out what is the value I can provide? What is the connection we need to make? Where’s this gonna go? And sometimes it’s I don’t know where it’s gonna go. But it’s there’s something let’s do a follow up call. Sometimes it’s not sometimes I got to put them on, I created an email list of networking events in southeast Connecticut.

So anyone I meet by default, they say, Hey, I’ve got a list of all the networking events in southeast Connecticut, would you like to be on it? Because you’re a networking event, you probably want to know about others, they do that, boom, they’re on my list. Now I can contact them but other things passively. Because I might not know I want to work with this particular person, but I want them in my in my tribe. Eight out of 10 people you meet, there will actually not be any value to immediately present to each other.

 I think that’s the fear is like I’m losing these contacts. I’m losing track of them. Well, okay, you might meet them again, you might not you don’t have to make value out of every single connection that you ever make. Yeah.

Mostafa Hosseini  53:28

Yeah, you got to know I mean, there’s there’s an ad 20 there, right? Arizona, probably only 10 or 20% of people that you meet that are actually got to do something for you. So answered your question. And you’ve we’ve talked about being confident in networking, all conversation long. So the first one of the first things that we mentioned was having your goal and your intention before you go in knowing what you want, then I think the biggest confidence booster is knowing the fact that you’re going to go in and listen. And by questioning and probing, you’re going to steer the conversation.

Right? I don’t think you could be any more confident that like, there’s no other way to become more confident than in networking. Right. And you have your you know, what you want, you know, what you provide, and there may very well be a case where you really can’t do anything with this person, which you you know, politely you know, leave and and started another conversation.

Well, Michael, I feel like we could talk another good two hours very easily, very easily. Now. You are sharing a gift with us and with our network. Could you tell us about the ebook and the audio book that you’re

Michael G Whitehouse  54:41

absolutely so I wrote this book called The guy who knows a guy which basically details my story from 2014 to becoming the guy who knows a guy and how I did that. So if you go to guy who knows a guy.com and you put your email address in at the top of the page there, you will get the ebook of the guy who knows the guy and then because I know I personally have never read an ebook beginning to end of any length, I recorded it as an audiobook so you can get the mp3 also no cost just put your email address in IT guy knows the guy.com and you will get the mp3 of the audio book read by the author that’s me so if you like my voice get it if you don’t like my voice, well heck with you don’t get it if you don’t like it.

But I think you like my voice. I think you want to hear my book. So I got a guy who was the guy.com put your email address in there and listen, and you will find many of these tips I just shared right there in the book.

Mostafa Hosseini  55:32

Love it. So gang if you’re watching or listening go to guy who knows a guy.com That’s literally how the domain is. guy who knows that guy.com Download Michaels ebook and listen to audio book is also included for free. Listen to it for networking tips and how you can improve your skills in your game when it comes to networking. Love it, love it. Love it.

Now gang. If you’re watching or listening and you’re live with us, please do me a favor and like the show, write a comment, ask a question and or share it with your network that will help us get the message out there. Now, Michael can ask you some personal questions. Ooh,

Michael G Whitehouse  56:18

personal questions.

Mostafa Hosseini  56:19

Is that okay,

Michael G Whitehouse  56:21

now we’re getting serious. Okay. Yeah.

Mostafa Hosseini  56:23

So what’s a new thing you’ve tried recently, a new

Michael G Whitehouse  56:26

thing that I have tried recently, not working on weekends. Then new thing. I’ve not really had the opportunity to do a lot of new and different things recently, because I am so busy. Although my wife and I did take a weekend off together. For the first time since sort of the pandemic, we have a seven year old daughter.

So trying to get time with just the grownups is challenging. So we actually took a weekend off. We’re going to take a trip when it’s being a staycation we went to a local, local restaurant, my wife had a gift card for went out to breakfast, it was actually pretty nice. So the thing that apparently should have been doing all along, I just started doing so. That’s my new thing is thinking about her husband.

Mostafa Hosseini  57:16

Good, good. What are your top favorite books, books that have made a massive difference in your life or business or books that you recommend all the time?

Michael G Whitehouse  57:25

Well, Never Eat Alone by Keith Ferrazzi was the first networking book I read that got me started on this path. How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie is a classic that everyone should read. If you haven’t, you should. It’s a fun, easy read on like a lot of those. Like it’s a great book. But oh my god, this was actually a fun one.

And the Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz, I read fairly recently, and there was a lot of parts of that that really resonated with me, and they were pretty powerful. My thinking, love it.

Mostafa Hosseini  57:56

Three very powerful books. What’s one advice that made a massive change in your life or business? Or impact?

Michael G Whitehouse  58:06

I think one of the tips someone pointed out to me was that you don’t have to be making a lot of money to be seen as good at what you do. So in the business coaching space, broke business coach is not a good business coach, because they’re teaching people how to make money. A broke mindset coach is not a good money mindset coach is, you know, you wouldn’t necessarily trust them, like don’t trust a ball barber or a skinny chef.

But, on the other hand, a broke. You know, if you’ve got a nutrition coach who has no money, well, they might be really great at nutrition. Are they healthy looking? And same thing, someone told me, you don’t need to have money to be a good networking coach. Because just because you can make connections doesn’t mean you can monetize. That’s like, oh, yeah, that’s true. I make other people all kinds of money. This is before I had my network concierge programs effectively monetizing as being other people all kinds of money.

 And so realizing it’s not about how much money is my bank count for how good I am. It’s about how well I connect people and how well I can teach other people to connect people because that’s what I do. So unless you’re teaching people to make money, how much money you have doesn’t reflect how good you are.

Mostafa Hosseini  59:20

Very interesting. Very interesting. Michael, if you had a if you had a Facebook or a Google ad, where everyone on Facebook or Google, people across the world could see a message. What would your message be for the people of the earth?

Michael G Whitehouse  59:37

message for the people the earth? I think the most important if I could share a message and get it into people’s heads. It is that there is enough for everyone. And that the more we work together the more there is so abundance.

Mostafa Hosseini  59:58

There is enough for everyone. Love it. I love it. Love it. Love it. Michael, before we wrap up, is there anything that you’d like to add that we didn’t get a chance to talk about?

Michael G Whitehouse  1:00:08

One final tip I’ll share is that if you want to be a connector, the one thing you have to do to become a connector is decide to be a connector. You said, I’m going to make connections people, you’ll figure out the tactics once you’ve made the decision that you’re going to be a connector.

Mostafa Hosseini  1:00:22

Absolutely. And gang if you’re watching or listening, being or becoming a connector and connecting people is a solid business. And I’m sure Michael could coach you or show you how to do that. And you could run a healthy business out of that. Right?

I mean, there are people that that’s what they do all day long, including Michael, they just connect people, and they could run a healthy business out of that. So thank you for joining me and gang if you’re watching or listening. If you have any questions, put them in the comments below or send them to me and Michael, go downloads Michael’s ebook and audio book. The guy who knows a guy and the website is guy who knows a guy.com.

Go download it and listen to it and reach out to Michael. If you want some networking concierge done for you services introductions and the rest of it. Michael could do it for you. And if you want some guidance from Him, go do it. Thank you for joining me. I look forward to seeing you in our next episode. My name is Mostafa Hosseini and you’ve been listening to daily confidence for entrepreneurs by now